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qimissung
09-02-2011, 12:48 PM
Where does it come from,
my passion-
burgeoning, bumbling, burbling,
purple, red, inflamed-
like the Red Queen in a fury
or a fountain
of frothy, frothing water
light as air and filled with color
exploding into universes within the hidden crevices of my brain
then leaking out,
joyously or morosely
like a thin, filthy mattress
slept on by a high-jacked heiress in a forgotten basement;
my pores shimmer with impending excitement,
my lungs heave orgiastically
with the thought of being alive and
alive and alive yes alive

Qimissung
September 2011
PrinceMyshkin
09-02-2011, 02:41 PM
I'm a bit puzzled by the "unused mattress" when you specify immediately afterward that someone used it. The exultant repetition of "alive" at the end has what I take to be the intended effect.
qimissung
09-02-2011, 03:30 PM
I fixed it; thanks.
Delta40
09-02-2011, 05:27 PM
I adored the use of colour and felt the passion of the piece and the exultancy of 'I'm alive!' at the end. Very well achieved qimssung.
yuka
09-03-2011, 06:28 AM
What a strong vitality, Qim, it's rather impressived.
Bar22do
09-03-2011, 07:16 AM
Marvelous, Qim, truly. I echo Delta's words. Plus, this wonderful LIFE is contagious! and your writing excellent. Thank you.
qimissung
09-03-2011, 10:00 PM
Thank you for reading it and your thoughts, Delta, Yuka, and Bar.
Jack of Hearts
12-04-2011, 05:06 AM
This really is a good poem. There's such vitality in it.








J
Buh4Bee
12-04-2011, 06:46 PM
Yes, I never commented on this one, but I remember well!

May have been written during the honeymoon period at the beginning of school.
qimissung
12-04-2011, 09:41 PM
Thank you Jack, and Buh4Bee. It's always a pleasant surprise to see an "old" poem again. I'm pleased you liked it.
natroyce
12-05-2011, 04:03 AM
brilliant line

"slept on by a high-jacked heiress in a forgotten basement"
symphony
12-05-2011, 12:50 PM
Very...alive!
Bar22do
12-05-2011, 03:48 PM
It was nice to re-visit this poem qim, we're here as if at the foot of eternal youth fountain!
firefangled
12-05-2011, 08:43 PM
The words effervesce like the subject matter. Well done!
qimissung
12-05-2011, 11:48 PM
It was nice to re-visit this poem qim, we're here as if at the foot of eternal youth fountain!

And the water is fine, isn't it, Bar?

Thanks, guys, for the early Christmas present! :)