A First Attempt.

[Squabbles]

The other "poetry" that I have written is nothing more than quickly scribbled, sudden thoughts with imposed line breaks. This is my first true attempt at writing a poem, but please be harsh and honest, as my professor will tear it to shreds soon anyway. It is supposed to be an Imagist poem, but having been too afraid to really try my hand at poetry prior to now, I'm sort of just winging it. :P Any feedback is greatly appreciated, especially in regards to whether or not this qualifies as imagistic.

Fringed fabric clings
to dripping, alabaster
thighs,
pleading purgation
from squalling newborns
and pragmatic partners
through writhing
waists.

Fingers fondle
bends and bows,
leading curvature
closer to pulsing
enthusiasm
erected by
beats, booms of
trumpets and
trombones,
leading
ever farther
from squalling
pragmatism.

[Delta40]

I thought only of alliteration in this poem.
for example:

fringed fabric
pleading purgation
pragmatic partners
writhing waists
fingers fondle

and so on. This did not make for an easy flow and the format added a couple of extra bumps too. You used pragmatic & squalling twice and I have no idea about the meaning of the poem except it contains alot of two word descriptors starting with the same letter.

I don't know what imagist poetry but I suspect it is supposed to at least conjure up an image, which it does in:

squalling newborns. No alliteration here and easy to imagine.

[hillwalker]

My first impression on reading this, apart from the alliteration that’s laid on rather too thickly, is that you were trying to impress the reader as well as convey an image.

I like the way it opens – ‘fringed fabric’/’dripping, alabaster thighs’ – suggests the potential for a sexually charged moment where procreation and partners are far from ones mind.

But phrases like ‘pleading purgation’, ‘pragmatic partners’ and even ‘writhing waists’ deflate the erotic tension like buckets of cold water. I’m not sure if that was your intention here – to be wilfully un-Romantic in the tradition of imagist poetry. They certainly don’t preserve the elegance of the first few lines but perhaps there’s a way to be pragmatic without being quite so unpoetic.

If you’re trying to maintain a languid atmosphere you need to choose your words more carefully (which again is a feature of imagist poetry).

The same goes for the second stanza – wonderfully evocative opening trampled on by ‘pulsing enthusiasm’, ‘beats (?), booms of trumpets and trombones’ and that horrible, repetitive closing line.

I should also mention line breaks – yours seem to have been arbitrarily chosen and in places they cause the reader to stumble unnecessarily. Try reading it put loud.
There’s no reason I can see for breaks between lines 2 and 3, 7 and 8, 12 and 13, 16 and 17, and 20 and 21.

It has potential, but it all comes down to what you were trying to say. I would certainly suggest you tone down the alliteration and by doing so you might find the solution for the other quibbles I have.

Good luck.

H