A few of my poems

[AsianGuy1137]

Might be a little pessimistic but isn't all great poetry? (don't take this too seriously).

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME WORLD

They say we are the blessed
To live in this golden age
This pinnacle of the human race
Which Divine Providence has graced
For the whole world to embrace

But there’s a secret they don’t profess
Of a portrait embellished with stains
From a palette of splattered paints
Of an age of gilded disdain
Bound by materialistic chains.

They say we are the blessed
To live in this golden age
Of compassion and charity
Of progress and prosperity
Of endless freedoms and liberty

Yet I would beg to digress
Because freedom isn’t universal
And prosperity is artificial
Governments are controversial
And full of corrupt officials.

They say we are the blessed
To live in this golden age
When the price of all is known
And happiness can be owned
Through paper bills and cheap loans

But I say we have regressed
For the price of a luxurious life
Is paid by another’s strife
Is happiness worth the cries
Of the child laborers on which we rely?

They say we are the blessed
To live in this golden age
In a world of united nations
Of a million vaccinations
And boundless aspirations

But our world seems so decrepit
With resources constantly strained
In cities plagued by acid rain
For an economy we cannot sustain
Where only corporate greed remains.

They say we are the blessed
To live in this golden age
I say this world is oppressed
By moral values gone astray
I say this world is possessed
By the worth our money pays
I say this world is distressed
As hope dies to meet dismay
I say we are the dead
As we whimper till the end of days…

-----

THE HUMAN LEGACY

We were -
Created in the image of perfection
Yet only a wavering reflection
Fallen from the grace of Heaven
Because we succumbed to temptation.

We have -
Walked through countless generations
Still no closer to our destination
Full of potential for creation
Wasted on weapons of annihilation.

We see -
Through centuries of evolution
Filled with wars and revolutions
Still no closer to the realization
Of our inherent imperfection.

We thrive -
In gluttony and proliferation
Of materialism and corruption
Always striving for satisfaction
As self-indulgence guides our actions.

We live -
In a world full of division
Of ethnic tensions and discrimination
Of civil wars and warring nations
In a collapsing civilization.

We linger -
In apathy and indecision
Making no effort for revision
As we live a life of delusion
Ignoring the world in our seclusion.

How many -
Stuck in poverty with no provisions
Millions of deaths caused by starvation
Deadly diseases with no vaccination
Will it take to give you motivation?

How many -
Protests met with armed confrontation
Genocides with no opposition
Acts of violence and desolation
Will stir you out of inaction?

-----

ETERNAL TRANSIENCE (Unfinished)

Countless days and countless nights
Enshroud the cycles of countless lives
From Heaven's first glimmer of light
Until the Day of Judgment arrives
We walk towards the future we strive
In the hopes of a brighter horizon.

One man is born while another dies
In the endless cycle of life
Nations fall and nations rise
In an endless cycle of strife
Still we walk to the future we strive
In the hopes of a brighter horizon.

Before, it was Rome that touched the sky
As the pinnacle of human height
But Rome grew too close to the sun up high
And fell down despite all of its might
Yet, a thousand Babylons still rise
In the hopes of a brighter horizon.

The legacy of our hopes and dreams
Echo throughout our history
We are lost in the endless sea
In the currents of eternity.

Before, we crusaded in the name of Christ
To conquer darkness and restore the light
To purify afflictions of sinful plight
Throughout lands tainted by heathen blight
Cherished in hopes for a future bright
In the hopes of a brighter horizon.

-----

Eternal Transience is gonna be my magnum opus! (If I can ever finish it). Right now, I'm kinda stuck on it mostly because finding pseudo-rhyme schemes is hard, and I didn't get my healthy dose of daily inspiration yet (not an euphemism for mind-altering drugs). Maybe one of you could provide some much needed and appreciated praise/feedback/critique/rotten tomatoes to stir me out of inaction? Well, whatever you do, thank you for taking the time to check these out.

[hillwalker]

My advice for what it's worth would be to forget about pseudo-rhymes (or any other rhymes come to that) since they are stifling your ability to express yourself clearly.

You have obviously put a lot of work into these but all you are offering us are very general observations on the human condition.

The first poem in particular seems to cover every aspect of what's wrong with the world from corrupt officials and child labour to acid rain and vaccinations. Unless you can present a different angle on such issues it's not particularly effective - little more than a list (that rhymes rather badly).

The second poem is in a similar vein - bemoaning man's supposed fall from grace. It left me asking the question - 'So what?'. Do you have some special insight that the rest of us are not party to? Because all I see is someone making broad assumptions about each and every one of us. This kind of 'poetry' is unlikely to gain much favour anywhere.

And your magnum opus - well, what can I say that I haven't said already? You're trying to create something grandiose and all-encompassing but with nothing remotely original on display.

I tend to think you've bitten off more than you can chew. Why not try something simpler? Something that reflects you as a fellow human being rather than some omnipotent power gazing down on us all and passing judgement.

H

[AsianGuy1137]

Good advice, most people probably don't appreciate the self-precocious attitude. I don't particularly think my rhymes are all that bad, but I agree so far as unoriginality and ineffectiveness of the message. I suppose trying to capture some of that post-modernistic perspective just isn't for me, but it's something that really interests me and poetry is supposed to reflect what resonates with you. I'm gonna keep at it, but I'll try to keep things less pretentious.

[hillwalker]

Keep writing - but read as much poetry as you can as well. You'll perhaps come to see how poetry can be just as lyrical and elegant without the shackles of rhyme. The rhymes in your first poem do tend to take over - dictating what you say rather than the other way round.

H