View Full Version : like putting out a candle
maleonpyg
08-26-2011, 08:44 AM
A black ant is scurrying on my bed
like a little kid lost in a vast labyrinth.
I wonder where it comes from
and how it ends up here.
But I'm more shocked by the way
my hand gets rid of the little creature,
like putting out a candle.
blank|verse
08-27-2011, 08:24 AM
I think this is a good little piece, maleonpyg and deserves more comments; both similes are visually very effective and the self-reflective thought is a nice touch. It reminds me of 'Cockroach' by Charles Simic, although perhaps his narrator has answered the question you pose and has a more sympathetic relationship with bugs! -
When I see a cockroach,
I don't grow violent like you.
I stop as if a friendly greeting
had passed between us.
I think the second stanza needs a bit of work in terms of phrasing, it doesn't have the rhythm and cadence it needs to close the poem as well as it deserves. Still, enjoyable poem.
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