At the outpost- A short story

[Kyriakos]

This is a translation to english of a story written originally in greek.

Some notes:

-I am not a translator, and professional-level translations should only be undertaken by people who plan to write in their native language. In my case i could translate from english to greek, but the other way around produces a rather rigid and archaic result which is not characteristic of the original.

-This was a small story, which is why i decided to bother translating it.However at the same time it is by no means my best work, and in fact is one of my worst. It has been published in some online magazine, but i still view it as below the level in which i write most of the time. :)

Anyway, the story follows in the next post, i would love to read what you think of it, despite its inherent disadvantages (being a rough translation, being not my best opus).

[Kyriakos]

At the outpost

We were discussing about strange events and experiences when someone I knew from school, who now was a Law degree holder, begun to speak.
“Friends, I heard your narrations with interest. Much talk has been made about weird instances, but up to now I do not think I heard anywhere the word ‘fear’. But my narration concerns exactly this element.
It was three years ago when I still was “serving my sentence”, in other words I was serving our country in the army. The camp was high up, in the northern borders, in a place where it snowed even on much lower altitudes most frequently. That night I was ordered to keep guard, and of course regardless of my heavy clothing I felt the cold creep in with almost its full force, most notably with every abrupt stroke of the wind. However I was keeping my temper, I had in mind that in a few days I would be granted a very favorable relocation, and definitely that this was the last time that I was on guard in that coldness of death.
Moreover time had went on, in less than a quarter of an hour my replacement would arrive, and, as was natural, I was already dreaming of the heat below the covers at the camp, which despite its poor heating would seem most likely as a furnace next to the situation I now was in.
And since I had nothing else to do, I was observing steadily ahead of me, the space from where the other soldiers would march upwards in an alley which could not at all be seen under the snow. When, moreover, I saw there a shadow, my happiness became instantly very great, although it had appeared sooner than I expected.
Thus I was smiling, observing, but only until I saw that what was coming towards me, stepping on its two legs, was not a man but a large black dog!
Of course the sight made me frightened. Besides, I was afraid for two reasons, one was that I feared that I was seeing a hallucination, something which up to then I could not recall having again experienced and which, if now had been taking place, definitely would not forebode something good for my future. The second was that something even more unheard of was happening.
I do not believe in metaphysical things. I am tightly tied to reason, but I must confess to you that for as long as I watched that dog nearing me on its two legs, slowly, with the paws stretched in front and bent on their edges, I was sensing that perhaps I was taken over by sleep in my guarding post, although I did not remember at all any such thing, and now I could have been in real danger of freezing if they did not find me in time!
However, although I thought of shooting at the dog, I considered that this would have been perhaps even more irrational even than the spectacle that it presented. It would have been, maybe, almost equally sane to shoot at my leg instead of it, if I really believed that I was found inside a dream. But if I was not dreaming then naturally a gunshot would mean alarm in the camp, and I wanted to avoid that.
All in all, I thought, it was merely a dog, despite its human walk. So I continued to observe it- all of those random thoughts I described to you happened in the course of one moment- and when it finally stopped in front of me, still standing upright however, I felt true calmness! It didn’t last though, since the dog moved on to begin turning around itself, making the sight even more unnatural.
“What is the meaning of this?” I wondered. If it was no dream then probably I was not in danger, at least not physically. But if it was a hallucination then why had it appeared? And I became busy observing the dog, trying to examine whether it had on it some strange mark, wound, or other kind of sign, something which would place it more rationally in the class of hallucinations. But even all those thoughts of mine were cut short abruptly, when suddenly the dog opened its mouth.
I was really expecting that now it would speak! This is why I closed my eyes, because I deemed that I could not stand such a development, although of course I had noted to myself that this move of mine would in no certainty disallow it.
And when, finally, the voice was heard, I could not take it anymore and a cry fell from my eyes. I had, therefore, become insane. I had to accept that. The voice went on, but I did not clarify its meaning, I had not even noted it even when it started because I consciously repressed it.
Finally though I was forced to exit that state of hypotonic reaction, because something touched me! And I opened my eyes in horror, ready this time to run away, or, if there was need, to crush the cranium of the dog with my rifle. But when I opened them I saw in front of me another soldier, the one who had come to replace me at the guarding-post.
And after a brief discussion with him it became evident that it was him who was speaking to me all that time. Moreover he was referring to the dog, which was therefore real, and now mentioned that it was trained by some other soldier who worked at a small circus before his enlistment.

But I do not hide from you that after I calmed down and was found back inside the camp I thought of something else. That all this spectacle, despite its perfectly physiological explanation, had woken up inside of me other questions, questions about myself, questions which up to now never abandoned me and which are not meant to abandon me ever"

[hillwalker]

I didn't get very far into this because I found it so difficult to follow. English is presumably your second language because many of the expressions are very awkward. It's almost as if you have translated the story word by word using a dictionary rather than relying on a knowledge of idiomatic English.

To illustrate, using the opening paragraph, this would benefit from having a native English speaker edit it before publication :

We were discussing strange events and experiences when someone I knew from school, who held a Law degree, began to speak.
“I listened to your stories with interest. There has been a lot of talk about weird occurences, but up to now the word ‘fear’ hasn't been mentioned. But my tale concerns exactly this element."

It's still a little formal, but I'm guessing that's the way the original was written so the translation obviously has to remain true to the source. But as it stands it's not well enough written to sustain much interest.

H

[Kyriakos]

Thank you for the comment, and i am sorry you could not read it all. My translation probably is too archaic/rigid. I just felt like posting the story, since i went into the trouble of actually translating it :)

[hillwalker]

Not so much archaic/rigid as stilted.

I appreciate the efforts you have gone to in translating it but the standard of English makes it difficult to enjoy.

H