London.

[mutedresponse]

Hello Everyone,

I am new here, been a silent follower of many beautiful writes. I think I may be ready to show one of my own.

Story behind : recently moved away from London and aftermath of the recent riots.

===

Long time ago
Wandering in a place
Looking
so majestic
so melancholy
so mesmerizing
Lost count of time and
I was lost in the amazing maze
I wouldn't know how I entered.

It was the beginning of the love
with My Dear Old London
London My Dear Old London

Happily I lived in there
Times cold and buried under the coats
And times warm I still prefer the warmth of thee coat
Times passed by so unnoticed
Reminded only by the budding gray's on the head

Like an Old wine,
ever tasting more better
London My Dear Old London

Lost in the pleasures( of the wine)
Didn't notice life forced me away
Only to be found between concrete pillars
It wasn't the same as
London My Dear Old London

One sallow day My dear old London
popped all over the place in flames
O...the state of the loved
A tear slipped along the cheek
London My Dear Old London

I was in London and I talked about London
I was away and I talked about London
London My Dear Old London
So cold and So comfortable.

===

[Jack of Hearts]

Well you've definitely convinced this reader that you really care about London. A first post that shows promise in many of its lines, this reader hopes you stay and write with us.






J

[tailor STATELY]

Welcome to Litnet. [Waves toward SJ reminded fondly of rose gardens and the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum]

An interesting homage to London.

Much potential. Some passing thoughts:

As a personal poem it's definitely a keeper. A few tweaks here and there to tighten your poem up, with attention (perhaps) to less redundant phrases and more colourful use of your language skills, might enable the less casual reader to feel as you do about your dear London.

Also S4 "more better" niggles on me a bit.

Look forward to reading more of your poetry.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[mutedresponse]

Well you've definitely convinced this reader that you really care about London. A first post that shows promise in many of its lines, this reader hopes you stay and write with us.






J


Thanks you J for the kind words.

[mutedresponse]

Welcome to Litnet. [Waves toward SJ reminded fondly of rose gardens and the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum]

An interesting homage to London.

Much potential. Some passing thoughts:

As a personal poem it's definitely a keeper. A few tweaks here and there to tighten your poem up, with attention (perhaps) to less redundant phrases and more colourful use of your language skills, might enable the less casual reader to feel as you do about your dear London.

Also S4 "more better" niggles on me a bit.

Look forward to reading more of your poetry.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY


Thank you tailor Stately for your welcome and suggestions. Haven't been to the Museum, but a visit is scheduled soon.

Also regarding S4 I agree with your opinion.

[hillwalker]

An interesting homage to London - I originally thought this had been written by someone who spent some time living on the streets which would have given a different perspective to most of the city's denizens and visitors.

A couple of expressions grated rather -

'lost in the amazing maze' and 'I still prefer the warmth of thee coat'

I also found the 'my dear old London' repetitions a little tiresome towards the end - and the final verse doesn't really do this piece any favours.

But I did enjoy reading it and you have done a good job of portraying the sentiment behind it. With a little cautious trimming I think this could be a much better poem.

H

[mutedresponse]

An interesting homage to London - I originally thought this had been written by someone who spent some time living on the streets which would have given a different perspective to most of the city's denizens and visitors.

A couple of expressions grated rather -

'lost in the amazing maze' and 'I still prefer the warmth of thee coat'

I also found the 'my dear old London' repetitions a little tiresome towards the end - and the final verse doesn't really do this piece any favours.

But I did enjoy reading it and you have done a good job of portraying the sentiment behind it. With a little cautious trimming I think this could be a much better poem.

H


Thank you for reading and your wonderful feedback,now I look back I agree with the 'my dear old London'. And hopefully I will try to improve on the rest with my next write.

[Delta40]

I'm 12000 miles from London and this poem made me miss it desperately, despite its flaws....

[mutedresponse]

Thank you Delta for reading. :) I sit on the same case about missing London.