Chasing Pavements

[IceM]

Silhouetting skyscrapers,
the evening sun casts shadows to accompany me
on this lonely walk.
Car smog and the scent of sweet tea,
streaming through open windows,
mix to form the yellow fog
into which I walk this evening.

The sidewalk, an album of memories,
stretches into the fog,
and pictures of what once were are tangible:
Crossing Ninth Avenue,
my body laying outstretched before a Ford,
a blue bike beside me:
Or tripping into a beehive
and the sting of disinfected scabs.

Journeying into the haze,
Presque vu leads into jamais vu:
days of what once were lead into
what might have been, what never was
and what someday will be,
guiding me into tomorrow
and all that is yet to be written.

[Hawkman]

Not bad IceM, but try to avoid repeating words, unless for emphasis, or the poem is structured for refrains. S1 L4 You don't need a comma after tea. S2 L5 Laying should be lying and use a comma rather than a colon at the end of L6. Or doesn't require a capital O either way. I wouldn't presume to comment on your use of French :D

Generally I think your imagery is good and the poem has atmosphere. I liked it.

H

[Delta40]

I like how each image melded into a haze of the yet to be.

[Jack of Hearts]

The sidewalk, an album of memories,
stretches into the fog,
and pictures of what once were are tangible:
Crossing Ninth Avenue,
my body laying outstretched before a Ford,
a blue bike beside me:
Or tripping into a beehive
and the sting of disinfected scabs.

Memories of some nasty tumbles, no doubt. But you got up to write a poem about it.






J