Radiance

[Plain&Simple]

deleted for good =/ finished, thanks for the help! =D

[hillwalker]

It gets better.

I liked the vivid descriptions in paragraph 3 in particular - though you could probably simplify how you tell us where the daughter was standing. That's difficult to figure out because you give so much precise detail.

Also there's rather a lot of watching and waiting in the paragraph - which doesn't actually increase the suspense even if that was your intention. To create a little tension you need to imply that something bad may have happened to their father, which is why he is late. Is he on a long journey away from home? Does his work involve dangerous situations?

Just a thought or two...

H

[Plain&Simple]

I'll see what I can do ;)