Autobiographies

[Twota]

People are just like books
with a constant daily update,
you read some till the last page
while you sadly lose trace of others.
Like a very old book I have kept
since chilhood by my side,
I read the summary and the reviews
but never the content itself.
I eyed the very first pages
but I recieved no updates since then,
so I never knew what happened next.

I claim to know the author perfectly
judging by how long I have had his book,
but when people ask me about the details
my answer is always the same 'I don't remember',
but actually the truth is 'I don't even know'.

One day, after thousands of blank pages
I recieve an update in a different handwriting,
it's much more mature now that I am confused,
I surely had missed too many vital chapters,
but I can't let that gap grow any further..
so I amputate the white infected pages
like there has never been any updates,
and I start reading the book from the first page.

[Jack of Hearts]

Not a bad concept at all Twota, but it could stand a little more elegance- that is, saying more with less. To this reader, it seemed a bit clunky and wanting a little more poetic device. But it's actually a very fleshed out idea that's wholly worth exploring- these lines actually mean something.








J

[ucello]

Twota, it is meaningful for me, and I appreciate the thought and effort you put into it, but I agree this is somewhat prosy. It'd be interesting to read a revision - a short concise version of this. Would you be willing to work on this one again?

[IceM]

I'm not sure prosy is such a bad thing when it comes to poetry. I look at prose-like characteristics as such: if it carries the beauty of prose, it is acceptable; if it carries the extraneous words, it does not. I think some of what you have is the former, more of it is the latter. Your grammar is distracting in some cases, continuing sentences with commas when full end-stops (periods) should be used.

You should create a third stanza after "I don't even know." It reads better, and the disconnect in ideas demands a third stanza.

I think this piece has potential. Poetry and prose have separate beauty, and while this isn't a prose poem, it captures a bit of beauty from each. There will always be words that need to be axed, but if you prefer a prosy poem to communicate this idea, find the words that are neither poetic or prosy, but rather are just extraneous.

[hillwalker]

It's an original idea and I like the way you have expanded upon it. There's some sound logic behind each new exploration of the simple concept that gives the poem momentum.

But it needs trimming - starting with that opening line. Tagging the word 'autobiographies' at the end of it pretty much gives the game away right from the start when it would have been so much better to allow the reader to discover the link as they read through the rest of the poem.

All the same there's a maturity in this one that shows you're beginning to put more thought into your work. Good stuff.

H

[Twota]

Jack and Ucello, thanks alot :D and I surely am willing to work on this one again. :D

IceM, thanks for commenting, you are right about needing a third stanza, I wrote this as to be a poem tho, guess I will have to just trim it. :D

thanks alot hill, glad you like it. :D