Each Day Like This

[hallaig]

Each Day Like This


Thistles, purple as punks in the breeze.
Behind, hills roll like words,
slowly, dogged by mist.
Each day like this is black
and bound to end in guinness,
no epiphanies of sunlight
only an uncommon memory
of brightness:
your bare shoulder heavy
against me,
your tide of hair like jet.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The jet hair, of course, picks up on the earlier reference to black and contrasts with the reference to brightness and oh, what a loving weight in those last three lines!

[Hawkman]

This is admirable but I do quibble over your choice of one word; - punks. Punk is either waste material or tinder, and punks - well the devotees of punk rock. However, why the association with purple? Punk, or even punks, can be any colour. If you had said spikey, I'd more easily follow your reasoning by association with hairstyle.

But this is, as i said, my only quibble and I echo Princes appreciation of those last three lines.

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

I can see the punkiness of a thistle in its spikey top rather than its purpleness so I have to agree with Hawk - maybe transferring the word 'purple' to line 1 ahead of the word 'thistle' and coming up with another adjective to describe the punks would overcome the ambiguity.

But other than that minor quibble a wonderful poem. Quirky yet immediately likeable.

H

[MystyrMystyry]

The punk thing does stick out (especially after fringing) - but it's so old that it sets the image of a faded photograph, and as such lacks energy - or implies that at some point there was energy - thistles must look like something else surely.

Like the epiphany of sunlight - simple and profound

[AuntShecky]

Agree w. previous commentators, except:

Is "guinesss" what I think it is? If so, why is it not capitalized and why are there three "s's"?

Also, in this image:
no epiphanies of sunlight,
sharp as holes cut in ice,
I can picture rays of sun coming down as sharp angles. However, even though one would need an extremely sharp implement to cut holes in say, an ice-covered pond for winter fishing, the hole itself would most likely be uneven, jagged, right? (Except say in a Warner Brothers Merrie Melody cartoon.) So, to be precise, how about --
"cutting sharply as through ice."

[hallaig]

cheers folks, got rid of fringing, and that pesky surplus s in guinness!

[Hawkman]

I think you missed the point about punks... the objection was not to their fringing but to the assumed correlation with Purple. "Purple as punks in the breeze" What makes punks purple? if you just say, "Thistles, purple punks in the breeze" it works as an illustration.

Live and be well - H

[hallaig]

an extra s in brightnesss too! My Gollum phase. Didnae like fringing. Lots of purple mohican punks here, it's maybe a reference that doesn't cross the sea?

[Hawkman]

Well I'm in the same kingdom, but my point was that punks are very colourful and can be purple, but they can also be orange, white, blue, red, etc. etc. so to say, as punks, kind of implies they are all purple when I for one don't necessarily automatically associate the colour purple with punks. So that's why I suggest dropping the as

Best,

H

[hallaig]

maybe i should change it to pink, actually

[Bar22do]

"pink as punks in the breeze"??? no, "purple" works for me, especially in the breeze. It's a beautiful poem I love it all, but if I wanted to quote something it'd be "hills roll like words" and of course the wonderful last three lines! Great poem.

[everyadventure]

Oh my. This is a poem you feel in your bones. Such heavy sorrow, and raw longing. Another brilliant one from H.

[Jack of Hearts]

It's a poem this reader needed to acquire a taste for. Probably have read it about eight times between when it was posted and now. At first this reader wasn't hot for it, but now he likes it quite a bit. Go figure, the rationality in that. Sorry for no real critique. For some reason, certain pieces are just obstructive to this reader's sense of analysis and right now this is one of them.







J

[hallaig]

got rid of the iceholes line. What thoughts?

[Jack of Hearts]

Why?






J

[Hawkman]

Well it reads ok (apart from that as)but personally I rather liked the excised line. I think the poem is a little diminished by its absence.

[ucello]

It's so profound and well written. Are you a published author?

[everyadventure]

Well, if you want a more thorough analysis... the "punks" threw me off as well. I was hoping there was some other colloquial meaning for the word, but it seems not. It doesn't go with the tone of the poem, and visualizing "punks" in the "breeze" is a strange image indeed.

I liked the ice, myself, I didn't see a problem with it and it was an apt metaphor (or perhaps simile, I can't remember exactly what you wrote). In any case, I like the poem quite a bit.

[hallaig]

All: Think the ice hole image appears in another poem by me, that's why I took a spite at it. Will think about the punks, since you're all so iffy with it. Thanks very much for your advice, folks.

Ucello: Aye, here and there