The Greatest Romance of All Night

[Jack of Hearts]

Lipstick shows where blood flows;
it runs the vineyard pathways,
the flush flood, where
heart is harvested and sanguine
rushes skin.

Her dress knows golden ratios.
It is a church so lovers
learn the holy lines and rituals
that teaches them to hold
in the small of her back,
to cradle cathedrals
beneath her breasts.

In the line of her,
she aches for a poet and the
love story she's always known,

tonight.

[Bar22do]

JofH, so tragic. Vividly expressed. Should be "teach", not "teaches", imo. (I'm sorry, I don't understand "in the small of her back" and "in the line of her" - can you clarify?) Sad, but interesting read.

[Hawkman]

Hi Jack. another vivid offering, but I'd be inclined to cut "the flush flood" as it interrupts the flow of the image, sort of mixes up the metaphors too much. "...Sanguine rushes skin." is a bit odd too. It jars as I'm not convinced it's quite gramatical. Sanguinely or sanguinity perhaps.

I love the idea of a dress desinged to the golden section. Vitruvius would be proud of you. :) but the sentance would read better if you said where, rather than so.

Always a pleasre to read you. Live and be well - H

[Jack of Hearts]

Too kind, gents...

Thanks, Man Who Is A Hawk... this writer feels like he's won you over with sheer quantity. As usual, you're probably right.

Bar, the first was a description of how a dress fits a woman and how it ceases to be 'just a dress.' The second is a lame-duck attempt at using metaphor- in drawing or painting, the artist's use of line speaks volume and may even define the essence of the piece. So her line = her essence, the greater picture of her in her evening wear, her posture, mood, etc. when these things reach a sigma. Sorry if this is awful. Thanks for reading.






J

[hillwalker]

A couple of syntactical stumbles (I also struggled with where / heart is harvested and sanguine / rushes skin.) but otherwise a piece to ponder over.

h

[Jack of Hearts]

Thanks for reading Big Papa H. Hopefully it's a good 'pondering.'








J