Cant think of a title

[Revolte]

Beauty's words are only writ
when midnight sky's stars shine,
but the only way space fire's lit
is when lightness comes in blind.
For darkness shines in many cracks
-those wrinkles formed of scorn-
and lights the path of passing tracks
where proof of love was born.

[Hawkman]

You have a bit of a problem in lines 3 & 4 where the rhythm stumbles and the sense of what you actually mean by lightness is confusing (blind lightness?) but apart from this it rattles along quite nicely and is profound, in the same way that the lyrics of a Whiter Shade of Pale are profound! You dance a very good light fandango. :)

Live and be well.

[Jack of Hearts]

Some nice prosody but sometimes at the expense of comprehension and cohesion, it seems like...





J