Imperious

[Bar22do]

I skim over the fossa at your wrist
hurrying towards your fingers
closing on the Mont Blanc. I wish to be
that fountain pen spotting white sheets in navy blue,
dawn briskness which like birth dress
adheres to your body already bent on work,
or batha* scents you inhale, as

quiet, my kinetic self pulls open the window,
summer pressing in; only, all fades
in the background of words that are using you
to pour what they need to say.

*Batha is a term used in English for Israeli and Lebanese garrigue scrubland.

[PrinceMyshkin]

What a rush of feeling and vivid imagery throughout this! It feels like one excited breath, released.

[Hawkman]

"birth dress"

I think the word you may have been looking for is vernix.

[Bar22do]

Thanks for your comments. Prince, haven't heard from you in a while, hope you're doing well.

[Twota]

I really like it, specially
''I wish to be
that fountain pen spotting white sheets in navy blue,
dawn briskness which like birth dress
adheres to your body already bent on work'' :D

[Jack of Hearts]

Like the tip of that pen, very fine.






J

[DocHeart]

There is excellent (even though hard to grasp) rhythm, and generally more than meets the eye in this:




quiet, my kinetic self pulls open the window,
summer pressing in; only, all fades
in the background of words that are using you
to pour what they need to say.

[/I]


Thank you for sharing, Bar22do.

Best,
DH

[AuntShecky]

Once again the most impressive thing about your work is the original word choices and subsequent play on them.

For instance, "Mont Blanc" is by no means a shameless plug for a brand-name of pen but, as it precedes the image of the "white" sheet of paper, it instead slyly refers to one of the snow-capped peaks in the French Alps.

Your note on "batha" indirectly alludes to that same region of the world with "garrigue," which, I only found out a moment ago, is the name for a certain land-formation in France.

Until I read this piece of yours, my only understanding of"garrigue" was as the surname of a much beloved, highly-acclaimed American poet. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Garrigue)

So you see, you contribute to the education of yours fooly every time you post!

[Bar22do]

I was absent for a few days, but wish to thank you belatedly

Twota (you're so faithful at reading my modest efforts!),
Jack ("Like the tip of that pen, very fine." - you put it so nicely!),
DocHeart (am glad you noticed intended rhythm here) and
Auntie (your subtle eye has caught the connection!!! and oh, Garrigue! - mentioning her confirms to me again your immense culture!)

for your reading and liking this work.

Best of all!

[MystyrMystyry]

Subtle hinting at vast enormity and possibility. Cool.

[Delta40]

You are one of the few true poets on Lit-Net Bar. It is always a pleasure to read your rich, imaginative works.

[Bar22do]

MystyryM thanks a lot for feeling this poem's potential.
Delta, it's a true compliment to read this coming from you, thank you so very much.

[Hawkman]

MM, I can't help drawing your attention to the dictionary definition of the word enormity:
n, a great crime; outrage; a monsterous wickedness, none of which can reasonably be levelled at one of Bar's poems, at least, none that I've seen :D

[Bar22do]

MysteryM, be reassured, I understood what you meant precisely; besides, my dictionary tells me, among others

enormity = the large scale of something, like in
"the enormity of his intellect" or
"it is difficult to comprehend the enormity of the continent"

so you know your language well.

for the rest, I'd rather I not receive on my threads comments about people's comments on my poetry. Thank you for respecting the forum's rules.

[ucello]

Wow, this is such a bright, fine poem that offers a whole new perspective to writing; so true, too. And I learned something about garrigue scrubland today! Thanks.

[Bar22do]

Thank you for reading this, "Paolo"! :wink5: I'm flattered.

[MystyrMystyry]

Sorry - I read you're enormity reply but was too distracted to respond at the time, and then it slipped

This really is a beauty Bar22do :)

[Bar22do]

MisterM, :nonod: , let's keep things in right proportions! tout de même...

[MystyrMystyry]

Yeppers!