Is everyone lonely?

[cl154576]

It seems so sometimes.

[breathtest]

At times

[G L Wilson]

Yep, we all die lonesome.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Everyone gets lonely at times, sure, but, to me, someone being "lonely" says that they are persistently in that state, and I would say that isn't the case.

[cl154576]

Everyone gets lonely at times, sure, but, to me, someone being "lonely" says that they are persistently in that state, and I would say that isn't the case.

Would you say the loneliness is a truly occasional state, or that the not being lonely is only avoidance?

[Maximilianus]

It can be a permanent state once you've realized that most people around you (or all of them) belong to a totally different species from yours. It doesn't mean that either them or you are necessarily better or correct in their/your ways. It's just being incompatible on most accounts. The minority will therefore take the isolated corner, be it by own choice, by segregation of the majority, or by a combination of both.

[Delta40]

In my experience, able bodied people who complain of constant loneliness are very busy waiting for someone to do something about it for them.

Rather like the child who complains 'I'm bored' and the mother who finds something for them to do.

No sympathy from this corner.

[JuniperWoolf]

I'm not, I can't remember feeling lonely. I find that other people are constantly prodding and pushing at me, and I find them bloody suffocating actually.

[YesNo]

I don't recall ever feeling lonely. What's it like?

[jajdude]

It's an awfully common thing.

[Stanislaw]

I suppose everyone feels loneliness a some point in time.
I have from time to time felt lonely when I was at my old old job, and travelling to different locations quite frequently. There is something to be said for going out and meeting new people so as to alleviate the feeling of isolation, but sometimes you end up missing the people you love, and you only want to see them, but can't.

[breathtest]

In my experience, able bodied people who complain of constant loneliness are very busy waiting for someone to do something about it for them.

Rather like the child who complains 'I'm bored' and the mother who finds something for them to do.

No sympathy from this corner.

I don't agree. I know what it feels like to be completely lonely. You try to connect with other people in all kinds of ways because you feel you can't handle the suffering any more. In the end some people have to give up trying because the pain of being let down again and again and ending up lonely again and again is too much. I'm only speaking from my experience. I got over it and have found my way in the world, though from time to time the loneliness creeps in, as with most people. I just think that it may seem that lonely people don't try to change it, but in reality they are just protecting themselves from more hurt.

[Emil Miller]

I suppose that loneliness is similar to insomnia insofar as it seems to affect quite a lot of people who feel unable to do anything about it. I don't have any experience of being lonely except for one occasion when I was in Seville and I suddenly felt isolated from my surroundings. In general, I have always been quite relaxed in my own company and have often sought solitude rather than engage in the sometimes tiresome company of others.
It seems to me that loneliness is a feeling of insecurity felt by those who are unable to connect with what is going on around them and consequently suffer feelings of guilt but, at least with the Internet, it's now possible to connect with the world on a scale unimagined by previous generations and as a medium for combatting loneliness, it may be as useful as a well written book.

[Mr Endon]

We are alone. We cannot know and we cannot be known.
(Samuel Beckett)

This is, for me, a fact of life.

However, the crucial distinction between "alone" and "lonely" must be made. Everyone is alone (unless, perhaps, if you've a siamese twin sharing your vital organs). But not everyone's lonely. Loneliness is a mismanagement of our aloneness.

[Alexander III]

I don't agree. I know what it feels like to be completely lonely. You try to connect with other people in all kinds of ways because you feel you can't handle the suffering any more. In the end some people have to give up trying because the pain of being let down again and again and ending up lonely again and again is too much. I'm only speaking from my experience. I got over it and have found my way in the world, though from time to time the loneliness creeps in, as with most people. I just think that it may seem that lonely people don't try to change it, but in reality they are just protecting themselves from more hurt.

I think the problem here is not other people, rather your expectations of others. If you drastically lower your expectations, you'll see that people are fine. And instead of constant disappointment, you have rare enjoyment when you meet someone who supersedes your expectations.

[Alexander III]

As for the question, I rarely feel alone. But I often enjoy solitude.

Of course the whole thread may be a bit confusing due to semantics.

For me

Loneliness= you are alone because no one wants to be with you, and thus sad and self-pitying

Solitude= seeking to be by yourself because if offers great pleasure.

[Varenne Rodin]

(Samuel Beckett)

This is, for me, a fact of life.

However, the crucial distinction between "alone" and "lonely" must be made. Everyone is alone (unless, perhaps, if you've a siamese twin sharing your vital organs). But not everyone's lonely. Loneliness is a mismanagement of our aloneness.

I agree that it's a mismanagement of our aloneness. I also agree with Alexander. After high school, when I got my first place, I felt great being independent, but lonely at times. Going to school helped a little. Hobbies helped more. I went to visit a Buddhist monastery for martial arts exercise. I lost myself in my creative impulses - sculpting, painting, comics. I met interesting people. I hosted costume parties. I didn't care about alone times anymore. I enjoyed them because I felt self-actualized. People with common interests tend to adore me and I them. I guess I'm saying to beat loneliness, self improvement is the catalyst for positivity.

[Paulclem]

I'm beginning to think, as progress through my life, that people live in different subjective worlds that interface to a greater of lesser extent with the environment and people around them.

When I look at my teenage children, I know that I cannot really take part in their life and worldview, and that as a parent, my job of influencing and setting examples and bringing them up is essentially over. I have responsibilities to them of course, but that is part of being the staff.

Conversely, when I look at our elderly relatives, I know that it is difficult for me to really appreciate the accretion of cultural, social, historical and biographical influences that combine to inform their worldview. For example we have an elderly Aunt who is Sri Lankan, was brought up in a wealthy and influential family, who is a Roman Catholic, who came to live in drizzly England after the war, who became a District Nurse and who never married her partner, our Uncle. Given that we don't really know a lot about her either, it is very difficult for us to completely understand her view and "where she's coming from".

I know that some people you click with, and when you meet someone, you tend to find areas of commonality - mutual friends, experiences, music etc But for every thing that you share, there is probably a whole universe of inner differences.

I suppose it's all fairly obvious, but it may mean that we all live with unique worldviews that sometimes connect with others, but which essentially are unique.

[G L Wilson]

There is no getting away from loneliness, it is the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. The only way to help ourselves from becoming depressed is to find distractions. Pascal can have his God, that is really lonely.

[Paulclem]

Yes...that's why I'm on here each night....sob....

:biggrin5:

[G L Wilson]

Yes...that's why I'm on here each night....sob....

:biggrin5:

It's sad but true for me also.

[Paulclem]

Then things inevitably change sooner or later. Often we just lack the long view. :biggrin5:

[G L Wilson]

Then things inevitably change sooner or later. Often we just lack the long view. :biggrin5:

Sure, life is not all gloom and doom, tomorrow is always a better day and tomorrow's children are always happy. If a child can't brighten your day, nothing will.

[Revolte]

I've got mixed answers to this. One on hand I KNOW I'm not alone. But I live in an area far from town, and even if I didn't I don't have any friends here anymore. Everyone I know and love are at least an hour away. So I get very lonely. But I'm always getting to know someone new, or getting to know the people I know better.

[Panglossian]

I love solitude. I sometimes think I could spend the rest of my days in it. I don’t know at what point feelings of genuine loneliness would creep in, if they would at all. Mr Endon wrote: Loneliness is a mismanagement of our aloneness. I like that. I agree.

[G L Wilson]

I am a sad little person who loves company.

[Scheherazade]

They say, "Misery loves company."

[Panglossian]

I am a sad little person who loves company.

"Man loves company, even if it is only that of a smouldering candle."

[ForrestJG]

It depends if one can handle solitary moments and lonesome moments. Some are lonely, for reasons unknown but only to themselves. Many can handle loneliness because other aspects of their lives are copious with the comfort of others, whereas some find loneliness unbearable, and are unable to find human contact because of some inscrutable wall blocking them.
So, really, innumerable people can dwell in lonesome moments, whereas some people travel through their days in a perpetual lonesome mood. And I guess everyone is not lonely. There is a huge diverse and lavish amount of different people experiencing bliss, cordiality, loneliness.

[Delta40]

I think you have to like your own company as much as you like the company of others otherwise we avoid ourselves. Anyone can lose themselves in a crowd but it's just cover really. It isn't reasonable to go through life without ever addressing our own self-development, self-love and self-respect. I mean we can avoid it but I am confident it will affect the quality of our existence while we 'hide' in the crowd.

[Cunninglinguist]

tomorrow is always a better day

Which makes the best day of life the day we die.

[Melysnl]

(Samuel Beckett)

This is, for me, a fact of life.

However, the crucial distinction between "alone" and "lonely" must be made. Everyone is alone (unless, perhaps, if you've a siamese twin sharing your vital organs). But not everyone's lonely. Loneliness is a mismanagement of our aloneness.


Yeah, I think people who're lonely haven't developed enough solo hobbies to occupy their time.

Though, if you have friends and solo hobbies, and you're still lonely, you might just be depressed.

[Buh4Bee]

I really like how Alexander defined the difference between loneliness and solitude. I suppose loneliness is a sad state to be in, if you are that unbearable. In contrast, solitude is a state we choice to put ourselves in. In my opinion, I'm my own best friend and have the best time when I am hanging out with myself. But I do like to be around people, but only in a very limited capacity. This is why I love LitNet!

[cl154576]

I am isolated from everyone I know. Adults feel a "parental concern" I do not want, people my age think I am boring and insane. I don't think this kind of loneliness is indolence or self-pity. I enjoy solitude since being around people is difficult for me, but sometimes I want understanding, or support. It is tiring to be perpetually misjudged.

[Buh4Bee]

It is probably exhausting to be the support. Not necessarily of you, but of individuals with such unique profiles as yourself. One's got to learn to be self-reliant and support himself/herself as an adult. Learning to cope and to develop good healthy coping mechanisms are beneficial to everyone.

[Alexander III]

I am isolated from everyone I know. Adults feel a "parental concern" I do not want, people my age think I am boring and insane. I don't think this kind of loneliness is indolence or self-pity. I enjoy solitude since being around people is difficult for me, but sometimes I want understanding, or support. It is tiring to be perpetually misjudged.

If you are insane that is fine. Be anything and it is fine. Bud dont be Boring. That is one of the greatest sins dullness.

[Vonny]

If you are insane that is fine. Be anything and it is fine. Bud dont be Boring. That is one of the greatest sins dullness.


It is probably exhausting to be the support. Not necessarily of you, but of individuals with such unique profiles as yourself. One's got to learn to be self-reliant and support himself/herself as an adult. Learning to cope and to develop good healthy coping mechanisms are beneficial to everyone.

Maybe it would be better if you said this to me instead of cl, in case cl is only 13 and cutting herself/himself.

[cl154576]

If you are insane that is fine. Be anything and it is fine. Bud dont be Boring. That is one of the greatest sins dullness.

It's mutual. I simply have very different interests from them. They do not care about music, math or literature, I do not care about television or makeup.


Maybe it would be better if you said this to me instead of cl, in case cl is only 13 and cutting herself/himself.

What does this mean? I cut, but it cannot be affected by anything anyone else says. I cut because I like to; it's just another hobby to me. It has nothing to do with being upset by someone else's words.

[Buh4Bee]

Vonny- I wasn't targeting anyone. Sorry if that came off the wrong way.

[hoope]

Sometimes u get used to loneliness... That it even becomes better than having ppl around who dnt understand or feel

[YW1990]

Some people aren't lonely even when they are alone. Some people are lonely when they are with a crowd of people. Loneliness is a private sort of experience. It's experienced and lived through the single individual. As for your question, i don't think everyone is lonely. But i certainly do think that everyone can be ' alone ' in every sense of the word at some point in their lives.

[PoeticPassions]

For me loneliness arises from a lack of being understood. However, as I don't think one person can ever really understand another, I think there is always some degree of loneliness.

Personally, sometimes I feel lonelier among people then when I am on my own. It is easier to feel connection from a point of solitude (or in theory).

[YW1990]

For me loneliness arises from a lack of being understood. However, as I don't think one person can ever really understand another, I think there is always some degree of loneliness.

I tend to agree with this. I find the idea that noone ever really being able to fully comprehend the experiences of another fascinating. It is only to an extent that we understand another persons experiences and this understanding is based upon our own personal take, so in a sense it is just our understanding of a concept through our own criteria as opposed to a criteria that is ' out there '

[Delta40]

Delta the latecomer as usual. Define loneliness for me again?

[osho]

Loneliness is a state of mind and in fact I never feel lonely. For example I am writing on this forum and talking with you. Am I lonely in this situation? I am happy sharing with you and commenting constructively or destructively and getting the same in return.

I am always finding people of some sort around me and I am happy with all of them and I have no enmity or rivalry with anybody. I do not believe that only my friends and relatives can make make me happy and remove my loneliness. I can be accompanied everywhere and even if I am a traveler in a distant land with an alien people I still feel at home with them. In fact this is an attitude and if we have a right attitude you can find a legion everywhere.

If I am not with any people I can get a company of birds, animals and at times of my flowers. If not anything to accompany me in poetry I take refuge. I am never never feeling lonely.

[Buh4Bee]

I believe what Osho describes is more a state of seclusion and less a state of loneliness. Seclusion is a choice and a state a person can enjoy highly. I love seclusion! On the other hand, loneliness is a state in which one feels sad and alone. . An obvious reason for this feeling may be that there is no one around. A person may live in a rural geographical region. Another reason may occur when a person is unhealthy emotionally and can not relate to other people. I think we all strive to remedy loneliness, whether in healthy or unhealthy ways.

[osho]

I often like to be alone. Being alone does not mean being lonely at all. This is a different state and in fact in which I can find more of me and in a crowd I feel less of me and I get silenced and somewhat ignored. Loneliness is a state that comes from losing someone you love or getting you away from your love.

As a poet I love to be alone and aloneness helps me think deeply and profoundly. Only by being alone I can do something creative. Meditation is not possible once you are mobbed.

[Helga]

but you can be lonely even though you are in a crowd, it really has nothing to do with being alone. I love being alone but sometimes I am lonely and sometimes I am lonely when I am at school or work or with my family. it isn't and doesn't have to be a constant feeling just one of many feelings and emotions we have.

[Buh4Bee]

I agree Helga, I can feel lonely sometimes too. It doesn't linger for a long time, but I still can feel it and I am conscious of it.

Osho said:
"Loneliness is a state that comes from losing someone you love or getting you away from your love. "
I agree also with this example as a situation that may contribute to someone feeling lonely. (Although I think you typoed on the second half of this statement.) Either having a partner die or being rejected, can certainly make a person feel blue.

[osho]

In fact loneliness is always lurking around us and speaking honestly most of us cannot dispense with this situation.

On the contrary I am a writer, a poet, an avid reader and through these activities I am with you and among you, talking, sharing, arguing, assenting, dissenting.

When I am with no body and with no love I can be lonely. Even if I am with someone but with no love I feel lonely. Even here on the forum if anybody ignores me or feels apathetic to me I may suffer the pangs of loneliness.

Even if I am discoursing and chatting I will still be lonely in part or in full. This is little understood by the majority of us and they mistake it with aloneness. I often choose to distance, physically from my love to write poetry and this is not loneliness.

[Delta40]

Would you say that loneliness is as emotive as say, anger, happiness etc?

[Buh4Bee]

I'd say yes. It's a feeling and it is subjective, just like other feels such as sadness or happiness.

Loneliness really is about when you do not have fulfilling social interaction.

[LadyLuck]

Loneliness really is about when you do not have fulfilling social interaction.

I can't even say that is loneliness for me. I spend much of my time lonely, and it isn't from a lack of social interaction. It's stimulating, and often it is with people who have many of the same interests and passions. Still, I'm lonely, but then again, maybe I mistake solitude chosen willingly for loneliness. I think one has a more negative connotation than the other, but overall, I feel like they amount to the same feelings.

[osho]

Would you say that loneliness is as emotive as say, anger, happiness etc?

Yes it is very emotive in fact. People often commit suicide if they cannot overcome their loneliness. When the loneliness becomes acute you feel blurred, lifelessness having no one to love, to turn to, to have support.

This a highly emotive and dangerous impulse and the effect of it is likely to become suicidal. A really lone or lonely person cannot enjoy even books. When you are with your books and your creativity you are just alone and not lone or lonely. People often confuse one with the other. As a writer I choose to be alone and away from the noises and hustle bustle of society and want to seclude or station myself in a jungle, total undisturbed where I can find only myself, my imagination, my thought, my creativity, my spirituality and my poetry and my God too.


I can't even say that is loneliness for me. I spend much of my time lonely, and it isn't from a lack of social interaction. It's stimulating, and often it is with people who have many of the same interests and passions. Still, I'm lonely, but then again, maybe I mistake solitude chosen willingly for loneliness. I think one has a more negative connotation than the other, but overall, I feel like they amount to the same feelings.

solitude becomes a self chosen state and loneliness never. Loneliness is your tragic moments and begets revulsion for life and this is totally a state of friendless-ness. You have no one to share your thought with deeply though the kind of everyday humdrum will be there but that cannot touch your heart. Even in a society of people or at a party or with your own spouses you can be lonely


I really like how Alexander defined the difference between loneliness and solitude. I suppose loneliness is a sad state to be in, if you are that unbearable. In contrast, solitude is a state we choice to put ourselves in. In my opinion, I'm my own best friend and have the best time when I am hanging out with myself. But I do like to be around people, but only in a very limited capacity. This is why I love LitNet!

True, you want to be alone to write and talk and share and this aloneness is a form of solitude but not seclusion.

Seclusion or reclusion is a pathetic human condition and this is thrust on people and this is a kind of syndrome, a disease and that leads to a psychopathic state. Lonely people are sick people and they are prone to aggressive behaviors

[cranberry]

Loniness to me ...sometimes even if surrounded by family ...and if my parents arnt there...yes i feeel sooooooo lonelly that it depresses me...in the end ...we all have ups and downs...and when we see how others are living it kind of makes me re-think...

[osho]

Loniness to me ...sometimes even if surrounded by family ...

I like this and of course amidst our own people we feel lonely and to speak honestly I often feel lonely in the companies of those I love most and even I am love and in passionate affairs and even if those loving me intensely and sensuously I feel distant and my heart and soul flies somewhere and maybe I will be with someone, though I feel embarrassed to acknowledge this and this is dirty and humiliating to think this way I feel lonely even if I am caressed and kissed. I can be in somebody's company for a quite while and my parched lips may crave for something across and this may sound perversity and yet the joy of telling truth is illimitable. I am not promiscuous, loose and yet I am like anybody that errs and realizes and errs again and realizes again and this goes recurrently and in the intervening time I love and be loved and feel lonely and again companied and share all else and open my heart and suddenly I get distracted and start off all over again.

Loneliness and company always run side by side and that is how I live and I feel some others too

[Buh4Bee]

Seclusion or reclusion is a pathetic human condition and this is thrust on people and this is a kind of syndrome, a disease and that leads to a psychopathic state. Lonely people are sick people and they are prone to aggressive behaviors

I don't agree with you here. I find seclusion to be perfectly healthy when needing space and quiet. I cannot be around people when I am emotionally unable to regulate my emotions. It's a good way to pull it together and move along.
What do you mean by aggressive behaviors?

[LadyLuck]

solitude becomes a self chosen state and loneliness never. Loneliness is your tragic moments and begets revulsion for life and this is totally a state of friendless-ness. You have no one to share your thought with deeply though the kind of everyday humdrum will be there but that cannot touch your heart. Even in a society of people or at a party or with your own spouses you can be lonely


I don't find that loneliness is quite so extreme. It's not tragic, and it seems to be a normal cycle of life. That said, I never have a sense of revulsion regarding it. Typically, it comes when I need to shut off from the world. Things don't reach me, but it makes me better able to keep trudging on through the difficult parts of life.

[irishpixieb]

Simple answer, NO. You only make yourself as lonely as you want to be.