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Delta40
08-14-2011, 07:19 PM
I went to that old house
engulfed years ago by bush scrub
and prickly acacia.
Its door hangs off the hinges, decrepit.
Ramshackle and unsound,
the windows are cracked and besmirched,
alot like my dried up heart.
I feel it race to the familiar beat of,
NO ENTRY.
You hide in there as if
this dilapidation was your sanctuary
when only I can cultivate it with love.
Now the bitou bush weed and gorse
slither their way to your throat.
Lashed ropes of crocodile vines
coil and strangle all your selfish wants.
Standing on the outside, hearing you choke,
I feel the emotional scales of justice balancing,
as your suffused face turns purple.
Finally, your lifetime of hoggish demands
explode from your eardrums,
crumbling the dry wall at my feet.
In the silent aftermath, the bush comes alive.
A stone curlew caws and takes flight.
The platypus gambol and splash under the sun.
Amid the rubble, I wipe my feet on a mat that reads,
WELCOME

Delta40
08-15-2011, 07:49 AM
bumpity bump :cheers2:

Hawkman
08-15-2011, 08:07 AM
Well it's vivid and powerful, Delta, but interpretation is impeded by the switch between declaretive and nominative personal pronouns. Is the you the same person as the I, or at least an earlier version of the I, or actually someone else, a child perhaps. If the you is the I, there is an old saying, "Never go back", which, although robbing us of poetry, might be better for the narrator...

Live and be well - H

Delta40
08-15-2011, 08:11 AM
There is a difference between the You and the I but I thought I would leave it open to individual interpretation

PrinceMyshkin
08-15-2011, 09:33 AM
I had no trouble with the "you" vs the "I" but I do have a quibble with "which" in the penultimate line, which I believe should that, but it's a quibble compared with my amazement at the richness of this, the way you seem to take in virtually the whole of the universe from whichever spot where you happen to be standing.

Delta40
08-15-2011, 04:51 PM
I had no trouble with the "you" vs the "I" but I do have a quibble with "which" in the penultimate line, which I believe should that, but it's a quibble compared with my amazement at the richness of this, the way you seem to take in virtually the whole of the universe from whichever spot where you happen to be standing.

Thanks Prince. Do you ever find you post a piece that strikes a wonderful chord with you yet it barely gets a response? This is one of those poems for me. This is deeply metaphorical and I don't expect it to be understood.

Onto the next poem.... :cheers2: