Memorable Posts

[Emil Miller]

Over the years, there have been many interesting and enlightening posts on the Litnet forums but, occasionally, a particular post seems so apposite and articulates a philosophical point of view so succinctly that it's imagery remains firmly fixed in the mind. Do any Litnetters have a particular favourite?
Here's mine, I will always treasure it, with special refrerence to the use of tazers.

Terror, fear, extreme ****-kicking, teargas, rubber bullets & tazers on the bollocks are the best methods to use on rioting looters.

[Stanislaw]

I liken logging onto these forums as a dog leaving its mark...we get on, leave our scent on the topics that interest us, and pretty soon the whole neighborhood is littered with our names under "last reply". Hehehe... that random thought made me laugh for a good long while!

I have found this to be one of my favorite comments :D

[Vonny]

These 3 posts together are one of my favorite :lol: - hilarious.


Alex: Someone hasn't been laid in a while...

G.L: That's it - sex - that's my problem.

Alex: If you live anywhere from Valencia to Petersburg, I could visit and give you a delightful shagging; you don't need to look like adonis, so long as you can be described as handsome or pretty (I am unsure weather you are male or female) - Either way I am up for it.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

My recent favorite is from my good pal Red-Headed (the second of hers to appear here, as it happens). It reads:


A/ Mind your own business.

B/ You are an obvious joke.

C/ Have you nothing better to do or say about the OT other than troll me about your childish tantrums over G.L. Wilson?

D/ You have finally made my ignore list.
:lol:

[Emil Miller]

My recent favorite is from my good pal Red-Headed (the second of hers to appear here, as it happens). It reads:
:lol:

Once again, you have referred to Red-Headed as a female when every indication from previous posts would seem to indicate a male.

[wessexgirl]

Once again, you have referred to Red-Headed as a female when every indication from previous posts would seem to indicate a male.

I thought RH was a female too.

[Emil Miller]

I have just been into RH's profile and there's nothing there to indicate one way or the other. The blog ( silly word ) seems to consist of a lot of poems which might have been written by a male or female. Of course, I may be wrong but RH's recent posts have a masculine slant which, admittedly, doesn't preclude the possibility that they were written by a woman.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

What's it matter? R-H doesn't seem to care, as she hasn't bothered to clarify one way or another, as she has seen people refer to her as both male and female. I assumed from the name, mostly, and I'm not the only one. Anyways, like you said, there's nothing to indicate one way or another. In any case, I did/do not not mean to be insulting by referring to R-H as a female (as if she cares, she can't see my posts, anyway).

[JuniperWoolf]

Why I can't have this bag?

The first and only thread created by some random girl asking why her boyfriend won't let her buy a particular handbag. It was very strange, to the point of being cool.

[Alexander III]

Love the thread idea, need to dig up some memorable quotes

[Emil Miller]

Love the thread idea, need to dig up some memorable quotes

There are some corkers along the way but, to save possible embarrassment, it might be better not to reveal the name of the poster.

[Babyguile]

The first and only thread created by some random girl asking why her boyfriend won't let her buy a particular handbag. It was very strange, to the point of being cool.

Quirky. I gues it was one of those 'you needed to be there' things. Would have been surreal I'm sure lol.

[Lokasenna]

Would it be fair of me to suggest *anything* by the late Musicology..?

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Oh man, I almost forgot about the legend that was Musicology. How can you choose just one post?

[Emil Miller]

I must admit that Musicology has loomed large in my thoughts re this thread
but setting him aside for the moment, how about this one from a couple of years ago?


women can't pee in the woods? I do it all the time! Well, not standing up, of course.. anyway, when it comes to taking a crap in the woods we're all the same, boys, girls, blokes, men, women ...
__________________

[SleepyWitch]

women can't pee in the woods? I do it all the time! Well, not standing up, of course.. anyway, when it comes to taking a crap in the woods we're all the same, boys, girls, blokes, men, women ...
__________________

Was that me who said that? If not, I wish it was.

[Emil Miller]

Was that me who said that? If not, I wish it was.

A gentleman never tells.

[Paulclem]

That whooshing sound you just heard was the point going right over your head.

From a recent thread. I put it up in my Basil Fawlty store of sarcastic remarks to be used when some future opportunity arises. A Classic by Markbastable.

Mrs Jocky is being difficult again. It all began late on Sunday evening as I walked unsteadily up our front path belting out the Halleluja Chorus from Handel's Messiah. There she was silhouetted in the front doorway in what I can only describe as a warlike
pose.

"Where the hell have you been?"

I have been at Evensong.

"Evensong! You have never seen the inside of a church since the day we got married, you even refused to have our kids Christened."

Aye, but this was different they had a free communion wine tasting.

"If I find out you have been down at the Curmudgeons with that bunch of wasters from the Cold Ale Thread it will be the sofa for you for the forseeable future."

Let me past darling I think I am going to throw up.


One episode of many from the Cold Ale Thread. Superb.

[Hawkman]

"That whooshing sound you just heard was the point going right over your head."



And there was me thinking it was a peregrine...

[prendrelemick]

This Musicology spoof made me laugh. (I don't know how to do the pictures of flat plains)




Contrary to modern science, the earth is flat. I know this. I am smarter than all of you. I use abbriations like lol to prove this fact to all of you idiots. And I like to use big words. They are fun.

Here are some pictures I took to prove my point:







As you can see the earth has no curvature. Especially in the one of me riding a horse. When you look at that picture don't you feel small and pathetic in my mighty wisdom?

Thank you. You are all stupid.
__________________

[Vonny]

This post is by the one who can use the word "naughty" more effectively than anyone else on earth!



OBJECTION! Ending with a preposition is naughty - the grammar pixies will be displeased!


:lol:

[Themis]

Was that me who said that? If not, I wish it was.

I thought at first it might've been me. But my post went a little differently.

[Emil Miller]

Here's another that I now recall with the realization that while it might jokingly apply to more than a few LitNetters, it has the ring of truth in this instance.

Well I cannot accept that I am dangerous. When they assessed me, they didn't even bother to examine my ethics; they just said, Here's another one, and threw me in the looney bin.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Remember this one?:

"Chemtrail Flights Radio Tracked in England

I post this because the people of England are fed up with dozens, hundreds of planes dropping material in trails above populated areas every day. For years. With absolutely no public admission of them taking place. These flights are seen daily with the exception of a few days ago when flights were banned over British airspace because of the Icelandic volcano dust. The mass media simply refuse to acknowledge the fact of it. A number of British people are determined the public should see this. Here is one of the first attempts to monitor radio communications as these flights take place."

Those were glorious times.

.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

That whooshing sound you just heard was the point going right over your head.

From a recent thread. I put it up in my Basil Fawlty store of sarcastic remarks to be used when some future opportunity arises. A Classic by Markbastable.
Hardly original. I've used variations of that same quip for years. Still, I'm probably just bitter that it was me the comment was directed at.

[Varenne Rodin]

This doesn't articulate a philosophy (or does it?), but here's something I laughed at...

" So this girl walks into a 7-11, right?, and buys a bag of Doritos and a 20oz bottle of Pepsi. She takes them up to the counter and lays them down and the cashier looks at her and says, 'so, you're single?'. The girl pauses and then says to him, 'how did you know?'. The cashier replies, 'because you're ugly!'

*BUDDUM SCHH!*

Thank you. Keep 'em coming!" - abdo rinbo

[Paulclem]

Hardly original. I've used variations of that same quip for years. Still, I'm probably just bitter that it was me the comment was directed at.

I wasn't going to mention that Mutatis - it's nothing personal. I'd have laughed if he'd directed it at Ghandi.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

:lol: Trust me, I didn't take it as personal from you or Mark (though, to my knowledge, he never did explain why his comment flew over my head). Okay, maybe a tad from Mark. I shouldn't have, though. Getting snarky comments directed at you from MarkBastable is hardly a rare event.

[Basil]

Why I can't have this bag?
The first and only thread created by some random girl asking why her boyfriend won't let her buy a particular handbag. It was very strange, to the point of being cool.

It was very cool. I used that quote as my signature for a time, as it satisfied my desire to have a siggy that was both epigrammatic and yet completely bonkers at the same time.

[Basil]

"...I then, at age 11, cast off my lust from myself, and never had an agnostic moment ever again. It was because I now peacably knew GOD to be real that I had no room in my heart for an empty existence apart from HIM. In a short time, I had such Faith in HIM, that, when my little sister's tongue split upon falling against something, after initially freaking out over all the blood she was choking on, suddenly decided not to call an ambulance, and believed she would be healed at once by GOD.

"I placed my hand upon the little toddler, commanded her tongue to go back together at once, in the NAME of JESUS CHRIST, begged the HEAVENLY FATHER to please make this work right away, and recited the Words from Isaiah the Prophet, "By HIS Stripes we are healed". I didn't see at first that it had worked. I turned in disappointment and was intent on rushing into another room to shout at GOD in great anger for not honoring the Faith that told me a Healing was meant then to occur. I had only taken steps about a meter away when suddenly the loud voices in the room took on a new ambience of emotion. I turned quickly to see what I had just sensed, and everyone were shouting for Joy, no longer in a panick. The baby's tongue was no longer injured, and the others excitedly told me they had seen the tongue while it mended!"

[Paulclem]

Was that bleeding in tongues?

[LitNetIsGreat]

:lol: Trust me, I didn't take it as personal from you or Mark (though, to my knowledge, he never did explain why his comment flew over my head). Okay, maybe a tad from Mark. I shouldn't have, though. Getting snarky comments directed at you from MarkBastable is hardly a rare event.

Indeed...:skep:

It would be very difficult for me to think of a 'top bananas' memorable post off-hand as I've read a lot. As has been said earlier Musicology's posts were totally wacko and would often leave you bemused, but the idiocy of those more annoyed than anything, so I'd have to discount them really.

I must say though the homework helpers that crop up all the time are sometimes pretty amazing in their audacity, i.e. "I have an exam tomorrow and have not read the book, you need to answer the following questions for me very quickly, in full please with quotes - a 1000 words" etc, etc, unreal! There must be some of those about that are priceless.

[Emil Miller]

Here's one from an hilarious thread discussing Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight'.


I mean, there are books from the late 60s that have got more active women in them, women who know what they want and go get it.
Look at those girls I mentioned in my previous post: If they want a vampire, why do they lie around limply in their bed and wait for one to come and bite them? Why don't they go out, catch one and bite him or bite him back if the bites them?

[SleepyWitch]

Here's one from an hilarious thread discussing Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight'.


I mean, there are books from the late 60s that have got more active women in them, women who know what they want and go get it.
Look at those girls I mentioned in my previous post: If they want a vampire, why do they lie around limply in their bed and wait for one to come and bite them? Why don't they go out, catch one and bite him or bite him back if the bites them?

Now, that was definitely me. You must be my secret admirer. Confess! :)

[Emil Miller]

Now, that was definitely me. You must be my secret admirer. Confess! :)

You know there's nothing secret about my admiration for you Sleepy, here's how I replied to the post:

I notice that the majority of posts on this thread appear to be from females. Reading the comments from a male perspective, Edward comes across as a kind of Mr Darcy with fangs. Personally I'm all in favour of young women lying limply on beds waiting to be bitten, but why bring vampires into it?

Incidentally, that Nuremberg Gaststätte I was trying to remember a while back was the Nürnberg Gaststätte "Burgwächter" although when I used to go there, it was owned by a very charming lady from Berlin, but that was long ago and it's now under different ownership. It features in my book A Tangled Web, which is set principally in Italy but has a chapter that takes place in Nuremberg.

This one is simply amazing:

But there is no super seriousness here. We are not actually trying to prove who is better between Faulkner and Hemingway, the thread is just a pretext to spark up some debate about the two authors. We don't take our discussions seriously, for the most part it is all lighthearted banter.

So, unbutton the top two buttons of your shirt, throw away the whiskey on the rocks, and replace it with a beer. Lean back and light up a cigarette. And so do not think of this as a dark oak room full of super serious men in top hats and tail coats. Rather think of this forum as a nice golden farm, full of hillbillies playing songs and discussing Noam Chomsky.

[Varenne Rodin]

This one is simply amazing:

But there is no super seriousness here. We are not actually trying to prove who is better between Faulkner and Hemingway, the thread is just a pretext to spark up some debate about the two authors. We don't take our discussions seriously, for the most part it is all lighthearted banter.

So, unbutton the top two buttons of your shirt, throw away the whiskey on the rocks, and replace it with a beer. Lean back and light up a cigarette. And so do not think of this as a dark oak room full of super serious men in top hats and tail coats. Rather think of this forum as a nice golden farm, full of hillbillies playing songs and discussing Noam Chomsky.

I like that. I wonder who said it.

[Emil Miller]

I like that. I wonder who said it.

Think Hemingway vs Faulkner and Eau de Cologne.

[Drkshadow03]

Here's another that I now recall with the realization that while it might jokingly apply to more than a few LitNetters, it has the ring of truth in this instance.

Well I cannot accept that I am dangerous. When they assessed me, they didn't even bother to examine my ethics; they just said, Here's another one, and threw me in the looney bin.

I remember that post. It actually explains a lot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of my personal favorites:

stlukesguild: From what I recall Hitler was an "art lover" as were quite a few of the most rapacious rulers of the Italian Renaissance.

Mortalterror: Did he just compare himself to Hitler?

[Emil Miller]

I remember that post. It actually explains a lot.

It sure does but unfortunately they let him out.

[Jack of Hearts]

More posts in this thread would be good. Funny how they all sneak away when you try to remember them.








J

[Alexander III]

I remember that post. It actually explains a lot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of my personal favorites:

stlukesguild: From what I recall Hitler was an "art lover" as were quite a few of the most rapacious rulers of the Italian Renaissance.

Mortalterror: Did he just compare himself to Hitler?

Haha - I remember this, one of the few times I uncontrolably laughed out loud in real life while on lit net

[Emil Miller]

Haha - I remember this, one of the few times I uncontrolably laughed out loud in real life while on lit net

Really? I find myself laughing aloud quite often on LitNet, try #36 of this thread for example.

Looking at some posts about Jane Eyre, I came across this from Adriana and posted in 2007. It is so well written that I have included in in this thread.

I very much doubt that you will find a novel as beautiful as Jane Eyre. Of course, there may be many stories as sensitive and profound as this one, but I dare say that the whole book is so perfect in itself, I mean: language, chronology and development of the plot, that it makes you feel at ease when you finish reading it. Now and then I read the book once again and when I am done, I close it, put it on my chest for a while and cannot help taking a deep sigh and try to make an imaginary journey into the past. I imagine myself living in those days of the nineteenth century, without electricity, proper heating and that sort of things that are nowadays unthinkable to do without, and that not only astonishes me, but gives me a whole lot of sensations and perceptions of the writer and each of the characters of her work of art. Those were hard days; strict education and religion, illnesses would kill most of the weak population and yet, the human soul always makes its way through. The human soul and one´s willingness to overcome suffering and make something real good out of it, is what reassures me the idea that there is hope for all of us. In my opinion, this is the great message that Charlotte has left for all of us. It is her gift for us. No matter how hard your life may be, there is always a light at the end of the road, as long as there is light inside of yourself.

[tonywalt]

Some of my faves from the person with an alarming but weirdly cool fondness for Phones.

"I need answers. My boyfriend is a gangster. I love him.""

AND

My phone drinks wine. I will love him till forever. I wrote a confession for him lately. He typed his number and a name into my cell phone, and walked into my heart."

ALSO

I will give you more punishment if you do not know etiquette in a literature forum, where you are not invited. It is because you are a shame for literature and this website. How can such an ugly man teach youngsters in college, when he is a ruined coward, sheepish indeed himself? How can he guide his gangsters? They will laugh absolutely. You will have to revenge and bully more people to heal your damaged dignity? pitiable. Why not ask your mother to wipe off your tears?
I trust myself and my friend.

[Emil Miller]

Some of my faves from the person with an alarming but weirdly cool fondness for Phones.

"I need answers. My boyfriend is a gangster. I love him.""

AND

My phone drinks wine. I will love him till forever. I wrote a confession for him lately. He typed his number and a name into my cell phone, and walked into my heart."

ALSO

I will give you more punishment if you do not know etiquette in a literature forum, where you are not invited. It is because you are a shame for literature and this website. How can such an ugly man teach youngsters in college, when he is a ruined coward, sheepish indeed himself? How can he guide his gangsters? They will laugh absolutely. You will have to revenge and bully more people to heal your damaged dignity? pitiable. Why not ask your mother to wipe off your tears?
I trust myself and my friend.

Pretty weird, I wonder who's being referred to in the last one. Do you know anyone who teaches youngsters in college, ugly, a ruined coward and sheepish ?

[Calidore]

She has a way with words, doesn't she? I enjoy reading her posts, even if it's often hard to tell what she's actually talking about.

[tonywalt]

Last I heard she was energetically doing translation work for a large Asian country:eek6:.

I hope her work does not involve security of defence(or anything relevant), it could make for a catastrophic outcome. I can only imagine how some of these translations turned out.

I will give you more punishment if you do not know etiquette in a literature forum

I thought the above was strangely titillating.

[Emil Miller]

Here's another that I have just found on the 'Gay Hamlet' thread.
He's certainly living up to his alter ego G L Wilson. Would anyone like to take a stab at the meaning?

I think someone mispelled once as Hamlot. It all started there. Then with The Merchant of Venice it became worse because of the bet. And with the advent of Turberville Needham and his Aristotelian proof of spontaneity in the birth of flies, nobody was capable of any doubt.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...He's certainly living up to his alter ego G L Wilson. Would anyone like to take a stab at the meaning?

I think someone mispelled once as Hamlot. It all started there. Then with The Merchant of Venice it became worse because of the bet. And with the advent of Turberville Needham and his Aristotelian proof of spontaneity in the birth of flies, nobody was capable of any doubt.

I'll be happy to ellucidate Emil.
Hamlot is a another way of saying a "Lot of Ham". The Merchant of Venice was betting Hamlet that his mother's hasty marriage was merely a ploy to collect as much "funeral baked meats" i.e. ham, to the reception, so John Tuberville Needham could carry out his experiemnts with fly larva in the rotting aforementioned meats.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Needham

.

[Emil Miller]

I'll be happy to ellucidate Emil.
Hamlot is a another way of saying a "Lot of Ham". The Merchant of Venice was betting Hamlet that his mother's hasty marriage was merely a ploy to collect as much "funeral baked meats" i.e. ham, to the reception, so John Tuberville Needham could carry out his experiemnts with fly larva in the rotting aforementioned meats.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Needham

.

Thanks Gilliatt, I would never have guessed it.

[JuniperWoolf]

She has a way with words, doesn't she?

Haha, understatement. Her thread about the green circle on our profiles when we're logged on just killed me.

[PoeticPassions]

Haha, understatement. Her thread about the green circle on our profiles when we're logged on just killed me.

hahahahahaha

and the smileys... asking to get rid of the smileys on the messages because they are too bright

hahahhahaha

yeah, that was a good thread.

I'm going to add one more from the author that has been mentioned above:


You didn't read it correctly. The green color mocks me because it represents a bad phone.


and from a different author, but just as confusing/odd:


But Wolf, stop disappointing me. I rather have you as one of the great messiahs than 99% of the ones mental myopia recognizes. Keep shaking the apple tree. When this is over you should go to update the wing of Antonin Artaud.

[JuniperWoolf]

and the smileys... asking to get rid of the smileys on the messages because they are too bright.

Ohhhh yeaaah, especially this one because it resembles the green circles: :lol:

[Jack of Hearts]

So did she ever marry the phone? What happened?






J

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

I made a thread about how Charles Dickens traveled to my hometown, which he didn't like. Mortal decided to write an angry letter to Mr. Dickens for me, which is hilarious:

Mr. Dickens,
You have offended me, sir. Your description of my home town's squalor is inaccurate and quite absurd. We are a dusty plain not a marshy swamp. You briefly address our general poverty, but make no mention of our lack of culture and poor public schools, which any local could tell you we are known for. And when you say that my wife is ugly and ill mannered you might just as well have been talking about any woman as well as she! Master of descriptive prose, my ***! Your whole article is pure fabrication and poppycock from start to finish. As soon as my son gets home from the factory, I will dispatch him to the general store to return every one of your books we have pilfered forthwith, and I assure you my daughter shall not soon steal another.

P.S. On the off chance that you were mistaken about the locale and were really writing about Wisconsin, I beg your apologies. You are quite right, sir. That land is a hotbed of sodomy and witchcraft, may the Earth swallow it up.

Sincerely, Mutatis-Mutandi

[Emil Miller]

Also, Bastable is older than me and I dare say I have a bit of a crush on him.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

You have a crush on MarkBastable, Emil?!?! It takes courage to come to terms with who you really are, Emil. Good for you!

[PoeticPassions]

I made a thread about how Charles Dickens traveled to my hometown, which he didn't like. Mortal decided to write an angry letter to Mr. Dickens for me, which is hilarious:

love it. great letter.

[Emil Miller]

[QUOTE]You have a crush on MarkBastable, Emil?!?!


Yes here it is.

http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/3120/cancrusherproject.jpg

[Jack of Hearts]

Moar. Put moar in this thread.





J