PDA

View Full Version : Tigers in the Grass



everyadventure
08-14-2011, 01:33 PM
I'm ready, at last,
to share my place with you,
this willow room where wild chamomile
mingles with sharp-scented yarrow.
Plump honeybees buzz a drowsy strain,
drifting over banks dabbed with Indian paintbrush.

The river here is clear and green as glass;
pink-sheened trout jump half-heartedly
after hovering bluebottles.
The air is heavy with afternoon sun,
time thick and sweet molasses.

I'm lying languid and barefoot on the quilt,
tracing flying geese with a fingertip
while your fingers follow the fine lines
of my ankle. I shiver in the heat, then rise
and wade into water, white skirt lifted to my knees.

You watch, amused, as I busy myself
surveying the river bottom, finding fish
still as stone among the rocks.

"Looking for treasure?" you ask, and I nod.
You roll up your jeans and join me. "Aha!"
You dip down and scoop sand,
pluck out a pointed white rock, and hold it to the sun.
You scrutinize it with an expert eye, proclaiming,
"A tiger's tooth!"

I reach for it, and you pull me close.
You're pressing the rock in the palm of my hand,
and your body wet against mine.

And yes, of course you're right! Tigers!
Living lithe and lean in the overgrown sweetgrass,
camouflaged in the cattails.
I believe I spy a tawny eye appraising us...

I am bathed in the magic of this place;
you've lifted my skirt above my hips
and we're losing clothing downstream.

I whisper, "I see one,"
and you murmur, "I see it too,"
but you're looking at me, untying the bow
on my blue peasant-blouse.
The tiger stalks in the grass and waits,
and I close my eyes, waiting
to be eaten alive.

Hawkman
08-14-2011, 01:46 PM
Gosh that's a good one. So vivid a picture and so voyeuristic a tiger! You really get better every time.

Live and be well - H

Jerrybaldy
08-14-2011, 05:00 PM
Romantic poetic and slightly erotic. Would not have recognised this piece as one of yours but it was blinding and made me think of an edwardian age (here) for some reason and I suspected this bloke was a tad dashing :D One of your bestest postings Miss.

everyadventure
08-14-2011, 05:22 PM
I suspected this bloke was a tad dashing :D Does it ruin the fun if I admit it was my husband? I think the babysitter was rather taken aback when we came home sopping wet :)

DocHeart
08-14-2011, 05:37 PM
I loved this.

I have a slight technical concern with "tracing", "traces" and "fingertip" (x2) popping up too close together, even though I realize it's probably deliberate.

However, the clothing being lost downstream, the untying of the bow, along with the sweet surrender of the finale more than make up for it. It's a well-done poem about love and sex in a package.

Keep sharing.

Best regards,
DH

Bar22do
08-14-2011, 05:53 PM
ea, how good to know romantic life can remain the protagonist among marriage and children! And your writing is SUPER!
Immense pleasure to read you! Of late, every one of yours is your best!

Delta40
08-14-2011, 06:30 PM
The intermingling romance and eroticism of the piece (and don't forget your beloved quilt) combined perfectly with the beautiful setting. One of your best Mistress EA.

everyadventure
08-14-2011, 06:55 PM
@Doc, you're right, it was deliberate, but like you I'm unsure of whether it works. Those lines are open for input! Come one, come all, and give it a go :)

@Delta, I actually have many quilts, it's a bit of a hobby for me... and I always like to have a freshly laundered one tucked away in the car trunk for impromptu picnics...

Twota
08-14-2011, 07:42 PM
I really love this! specially the last 6 verses. :D

Hawkman
08-14-2011, 07:48 PM
Yes I did notice the fingertips but it didn't bother me particularly on initial reading. Repeated review does make it jar though. I suggest:

"...tracing flying geese with a fingertip
while yours explores the fine bones
of my ankle..."

this give a nice assonance with yours and explores and conveys the same meaning.

What say you?

Live and be well - H

everyadventure
08-14-2011, 08:28 PM
Tweaked that line a bit. Better? Or is fingertip / fingers too repetitive still?

Hawkman
08-15-2011, 03:19 AM
It's definitely better after your edit but as a rule of thumb, if you're still conscious that there could be a niggle and have to ask, then perhaps it's not quite right. Ultimatley though, it's your poem, ea. :)

Live and be well - H

PrinceMyshkin
08-15-2011, 10:45 AM
This is one of those poems that seems to have demanded to be written. It's wonderful how the erotic seems to arise from the natural world and becomes part of it.

tailor STATELY
08-15-2011, 08:08 PM
Delightful.

Perhaps the poem's dreamy quality, of willow and water and yarrow... I read this as the River-woman's daughter and old Tom in a precious moment.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

everyadventure
08-15-2011, 11:56 PM
Perhaps the poem's dreamy quality, of willow and water and yarrow... I read this as the River-woman's daughter and old Tom in a precious moment.


I confess I had to look up that reference... but I like the idea :) Hey! My 1000th post!

hillwalker
08-16-2011, 04:37 AM
1000th post - a veteran at last; congratulations - and as Bar says, reading your poems are becoming an essential part of every day - a joy to discover and decypher.

H