Log in

View Full Version : Don't Say You Love Me



Steven Hunley
08-10-2011, 11:51 AM
Don’t Say You Love Me

by Steven Hunley


They were at that point in the relationship where something needed to be said. Society expected it, their respective histories demanded it, and fate decreed it be done.

The pressure was building. She was non-committal and skeptical. He, on the other hand, was eager and a fool for love.They had this wicked combination going on. When it came to having lovers, both of them had histories that didn’t bode well for their futures.

She’d been married and divorced several times. Several times. He’d been in relationships that lasted long after the love had gone sour and never had the sense to pull out of the stench.

What a pair.

Their biggest problem was they were so damned attracted. Like f*cking magnets.

They walked to Balboa Park for lunch and found a romantic spot on a bench under the eucalyptus trees. He took out his handkerchief and dusted off her spot. The sat close together, sipping their Starbucks and watching the black and white swans glide by in the reflecting pool.The sky was clear as a bell and dotted with white puffy clouds. A wandering troubadour walked by strumming a guitar. After that it got quiet.

“You’re not saying anything,” she noted.

“I’ve got something to say, but don’t know if I should say it.”

Nothing like saying what you going to say without saying it directly. His intentions stuck out like an elephant’s trunk grasping for a peanut.

“You can tell me.”

Oh, she was asking for it alright, just asking for it, literally begging the statement.

“I don’t know if I should. Maybe it’s not the right time.”

Now he was hesitating and playing hard-to-get. The swans, the romantic park setting, the dreamy look in her eyes? Not the right time? Come on now, get with it.

“I mean I think I can tell you anything, can’t I? I mean... between us has always been the truth.”

She smiled that 'I’m ready for intimate truth-telling' smile she’d been saving up for special occasions. In reality she was looking forward to this. Even if she feared commitment herself she felt more secure with a committed lover. She liked feeling secure and in control.

“Of course, I always want you to feel you can tell me anything.”

The clock was ticking. The expected bomb was about to drop. The love-hammer was going to fall any second.

He got up and placed his coffee on the bench. He began to pace nervously back and forth back and forth. She watched him intently, like watching a fuse burn down closer and closer to a stick of dynamite.

“I love you,” he blurted out finally. “I didn’t plan too. It just happened.”

It was time to take pity on the poor guy. She knew what he needed just then. I mean, he had the fever and she had the cure.

“Come here and sit down.”

She looked into his nervous eyes. They were as expectant as they were blue. She leaned in closer and put her hand over his hand. Then she gave him an academy award-winning kiss.

“It’s OK, calm down. You have nothing to fear. I love you too.”

He relaxed immediately. The pond reflected the clouds and the sky, and for a second, just a second, until the swans drifted by, the world was a beautiful upside-down world.

As they left a few minutes later, three romantic thoughts raced through his head.

“She loves me. She loves me. She loves me.”

At the same time her cranium began calculating.

“This is the honeymoon stage. It lasts about two to three months.”

She did the math. She was good at combining math and romance.

“After that is the love affair proper.”

She checked into her personal romance-history book and summed up the figures.

“I figure we’ve got ‘till spring..if we're lucky!"

The thought just warmed her little heart. She grabbed hold of his hand and pressed it. He loved it when she held his hand and thought the only thought his head would allow.

“This one is going to last forever.”

Together, hand in hand, they walked off into the kind of a sunset that only southern California can provide. Such a beautiful, meaningful, wonderful, romanticful, afternoon at the park.

There was nothing like it for sure.

©Steven Hunley2011

Thanks Billy and thanks to the woman too, I can’t do without her.

http://youtu.be/kW0MY_KhL7Q

Delta40
08-10-2011, 05:53 PM
Brilliant! Short piece packed with suspense and the two characters are fantastic. Everybody knows people like them in the world. Good device using their thoughts to add to the story. I especially liked the line:

Nothing like saying what you going to say without saying it directly. His intentions stuck out like an elephant’s trunk grasping for a peanut.

Hawkman
08-12-2011, 08:54 AM
Rather too realistic a scenario, so the humour in the piece would appeal more to the Schadenfreudeniks out there, methinks :D Well constructed scene though!

Live and be well - H

Jack of Hearts
08-12-2011, 02:33 PM
Their biggest problem was they were so damned attracted. Like f*cking magnets.

Wait. What kind of magnets were they?

Reading your stories is like having a conversation with an old friend who wants to entertain and, at times, surprise you. It's easy to imagine them spoken around. They're written to be understood and accessible. This one in particular is a contrast between a logical estimation of love on the female character's part and the freewheeling abandon on the male's- which culminates in the structurally sound last segment.


One wonders if you write about yourself, and if so, to what degree? This offering has at least something of a clue in the postscript.







J

kaybaily
08-16-2011, 03:08 PM
I love it! Isn't it usually the guy who is so un-committal? Anyway, I love the ease between these two characters and WOW, they do sound like a couple of characters, playing off each other like crazy! And they are perfect for each other, but not because "She was non-committal and skeptical while He, on the other hand, was eager and a fool for love.". Its because BOTH have the symptoms of being eager and a fool for love...both SCREAM out "love me!, love me!, love me!, please! Her mask of "non-committal and skeptical" is probably just that, a MASK! ...the proof of that? her several SEVERAL marriages! covering up her fear of not being loved till the end :coolgleamA: What a pair!
Reading ANYTHING you write makes me feel like I know the characters in a personal way! Those are the kind of stories I enjoy the most!

Buh4Bee
08-20-2011, 04:38 PM
Well, after such an enthusiastic response what more is there to say?