You walk to me from afar

[DocHeart]

You walk to me from afar


You walk to me from afar
Behind the curtained territory
Over the silken minefields
And the silent cigarettes;
You walk

A fragile flower’s beating heart
I await
To feel against my palm.

[Jack of Hearts]

The Doctor is in.

Particularly liked 'silken minefields' Not sure about repetition?

Liked the image of a lover approaching through these 'hazards' or obstacles.






J

[Delta40]

I like its repetition as if each line brings her a step closer. The silent cigarettes. I take it she (or the narrator) doesn't have a smokers cough then?

[hillwalker]

Liked the simplicity of this.

The final stanza is a little heavy-footed though, because of the line 'I await' in the middle that interrupts the rhythm/flow as well as the sense.
Maybe it could be used as the opening line of the verse instead, and inclde one more single-syllable word like 'And' or 'How' at its beginning to regulated the meter... just a thought.

H

[Bar22do]

Love it very much, it's pure, simple and it feels N's steady waiting protects the 'flower's beating heart' all the way through to him...