Autumn Leaves

[Twota]

Trees throw autumn leaves
painting the boulevard in gold
a true luxury.

[Delta40]

Red has really influenced you! Short and sweet but like many haikus, I think it lacks a certain quality. It's vividness is not overtly apparent, however this is only my opinion Twota and I think the word 'throw' is what 'throws' me off!

[Twota]

yah, I understand :/ that dry spell is staying too long. D=

[Delta40]

It's all in your head. See now you can write about dry spells....!

[Twota]

hahaa, yah :D hope I don't get another full stop today. :D

[Delta40]

Read my poem for inspiration....

[tailor STATELY]

I liked the first two lines, but the third waned in comparison ( a small chance of wane you say ? - but I digress ).

I would suggest either a new 3rd line or expounding the idea you had; the vision is there !

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Jack of Hearts]

Really liked the image of 'trees throwing leaves', but Mama Kookaburra was right when she said it feels like it's missing something important...

But you're getting better with every outing, Twota. It's easy to see.







J

[Twota]

Thanks alot tailor and jack. :D

I 'll think of a replacement for the third line, hope it makes it better. :)