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paperleaves
08-08-2011, 04:52 PM
I can still smell the lavender in my hair
from sleeping in the field that night,
my hands wrapt about the belly of the Earth,
I swear I could feel a heartbeat.
The moon shone like a secret lover,
quiet, yet bright, never wishing to disturb
the poetry that breeds
in its softest spotlight.
He gently swaddled the hot, tall grass
in an elegant gown,
reassuring his position as the Muse,
as I reached out to him with both palms forward.
Stretching, waxing, waning,
my limbs tousled the wildflowers, as the
sweet, humid air filled my lungs.
It was
thick like honey;
one of the richest gifts of the universe,
disguised in simplicity,
and wrapped in innocence.
I warbled like a morning sparrow, aching for the presence of
a lover, a muse, a friend, but all that was left for me to find
was the soft but steady ambivalence
of the Universe.
Delta40
08-08-2011, 05:28 PM
ok this is definitely going in favourite poems by Lit-Nutters! Absolutely magical, romantic, almost sad and my heart actually beat like a woman in love for at least 2 seconds (which means there is still hope!)
Jack of Hearts
08-08-2011, 05:42 PM
What a good poem.
J
everyadventure
08-08-2011, 05:43 PM
Delicate and lovely.
Bar22do
08-08-2011, 05:50 PM
beyond words of praise...
firefangled
08-08-2011, 08:05 PM
There is a beautiful tension here between the local things of the earth, the lavender, grass, moonlight, birds and even the heavy presense of the air and the expansive almost untouchable Universe. Very well done PL.
tailor STATELY
08-09-2011, 10:03 PM
A most wonderful poem.
So sweet, yet not o'er cloying, and so sad at the climax.
Forgive me a bit of confusion at the climax, however. Perhaps I became lost in the metaphor of the Moon as " like a secret lover" and "muse" earlier in the poem - juxtaposed with: "aching for the presence of a lover, a muse, a friend..." Perhaps he too had waned at this point in time, which makes sense to me now as I put my thinking cap on. My failing.
Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY
Hawkman
08-10-2011, 02:18 AM
This is a lovely poem paper with flowing lines and vivid imagery. I do have a tiny problem with one line though:
"reassuring his position as the Muse,"
I'm not quite sure how one can reassure a position. One can reclaim a position, or consolidate it. The position of the muse might be reassuring, but such a statement so placed is a bit awkward syntactically.
However, this is a minor concern in what is a wonderful poem.
Live and be well - H
Great piece, Paper. I like it.
paperleaves
08-10-2011, 09:21 AM
Thank you all for the wonderful comments and suggestions :) and tailor, I definitely didn't do a great job of emphasizing what I meant, the last stanza was aching for a human/tangible muse, lover, or friend, instead of the companionship of the moon. I might have to edit that a bit. :D
white camellia
08-13-2011, 05:50 AM
Beautiful aching. It's not limited to the poetic self. There are mystic interactions - the "I" with the Earth, and they with the moon. I noticed that you referred to the moon as "he" while many myths represented it as a goddess.
PrinceMyshkin
08-13-2011, 09:17 AM
Here, as in so many of your poems, it does not read so much as a crafted thing but as the most natural way to breathe, to be, to respond to life.
ucello
08-14-2011, 08:04 AM
Most beautiful, truly.
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