At the Bridal Shower

[everyadventure]

Acquiesce to every need.
Satisfy hunger,
satiate greed.
Submit to rage
with patience and grace.
Find comfort in the primal pattern:
Quick-spent aggression, apologies,
always forgive readily.
Accept.
Use ice.
Never see the same doctor twice.
Try not to speak, but if you must,
Deny.
Learn to lie.

Sound advice
on becoming a wife.

[Buh4Bee]

I LOVE IT! The inner thoughts in your mind are so clearly expressed. well done.

[Jack of Hearts]

Not immune to the charm of the craft. Liked it.






J

[Twota]

I like it lots and the rhyme is cool. :D

[MystyrMystyry]

It rhymes - I thought you had an aversion to that - oh well, it works :)

[hillwalker]

The title had me expecting something different - so the so-dark nature of this created a clever twist... and the rhyme was intermittent but in no way forced or distracting.

H

[Bar22do]

A pitiless list, ea, Hits strong, though still graceful (your art?)

[everyadventure]

Yes, I do have an aversion to rhyme. Mostly because I can't keep a consistent rhythm-- I'm challenged like that ;)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I hate the last two lines, which turn this into a familiar feminist rant when, for the most part, it seemed to be about some deeper or broader aspect of the human condition, and it was almost Brechtian in its biting wit.

[Delta40]

Yes, I do have an aversion to rhyme. Mostly because I can't keep a consistent rhythm-- I'm challenged like that ;)

I have the same problem and the meter thing just puts me off writing a fully rhymed poem but the spontaneity of the rhyme here flows well with the dark thoughts and I'm certainly never getting married :nopity:

[firefangled]

Made me shiver to think a woman needs to think this way. Well done nevertheless.

I think the last 2 lines could be omitted; there are telling when that is not necessary. Without them we are forced to consider the poem more to that point, as well we should. The turn from the title is enough to put the reader on notice.

[everyadventure]

@Prince & FF: I can see your point, but the poem feels incomplete without an ending of sorts. I'll think on it.

[Hawkman]

I've been away for a few days, so I don't know what you've done in the edit. I like the way this one rolls along with its jaunty rhythm and laconic message. The rhyming scheme is effective so the break in line 6, with pattern at the end of the line, jars a bit. The rhythm stumbles in line 5. Perhaps "patience and grace" rather than "patient good grace" with its hard "T" followed by two gutteral "G"s.

I think you could change the full stop after apologies to a comma and I might also consider moving readily from the end of line 8 to the beginning of line 9. It might ease the flow a bit.

Still, an enjoyable read, ea.

Live and be well - H

[everyadventure]

@Hawk, took you up on a couple of those. Thanks for the insightful review!