Space

[kittypaws]

In two foot of space I can turn
In five foot I can bathe
In eight foot I can lie on the floor and stretch.

Where in three foot I am suffocating
In five I am clawing to be free,
And eight buries me just as deep.

I need to be set open
With the winds under me;
Where no space can contain me.

To rapture the flowering valleys
To engulf the roaring seas
To behold erupting volcanoes
To be awe at the flight of a bumblebee.

All part of my mental rest
To relocate; to find me.

[MystyrMystyry]

Ah Kitty - you been in my shoes recently? This describes it perfectly :)

[hillwalker]

I like how the poem's boundaries expand as you allow your imagination freedom to grow.

Personally I would omit the 2nd stanza - it's just a statement of what the poem is meant to convey - and your lines of poetry do that so much better.

H

[Delta40]

I agree with Hill. The poem really comes into its own after you make the statement. Did you purposefully spell lie as lye?

[kittypaws]

Thank you Mystry, Hill and Delta for the read and comments.

I have removed the second stanza but it seems like it is missing something? Or is it just me?

:rolleyes5: And Delta I corrected the spelling too! Thank You!

[hillwalker]

The only thing missing is that you no longer have total control on how your reader will interpret the poem.

Will they make the leap from v.1 to v.2 where you change from describing how comfortable you can be confined to a room to how claustrophobic it can also feel? You have to trust your readers to accept both sides of the arguement and see the poem for what it really is - a plea for space.

H

[Bar22do]

It feels you've written it while visiting my mind! I don't know what was the problematic S that you erased, but I trust hill and it really reads well as is now.