Charlie5thumbs
08-06-2011, 07:26 PM
The eighty four year old man lays dying on the bed. He had not imagined that it would end this way, hoping that he would have checked out before his wife did. He had pictured himself surrounded by his wife and three children in his own home, the house that he had labored so hard to purchase and maintain. The facility he stays in is adequate, and he is grateful to the staff who do their very best to ensure that his final days on earth are as comfortable as possible. But none of them really have any time to visit with him like they used to, because they are very short handed. But no one can replace family anyway. Who can possibly substitute for those you’ve shared most of your life and dreams with? Those you’ve brought into the world?
As he lays there listening to Beethoven’s Pathetique 2nd, the high points of his life replay in the theater of his mind in striking color and detail. He is sitting on a porch swing with his beloved. The year was 1945, and having just come back from Hell, he waits for the right moment to pop the question. Her slightly plump face, softly lit by the moon which reflects in her large hazel eyes is the most breathtaking sight he has ever laid eyes on. He can still feel and hear the gentle wind rustling through the elms on that fall evening, and smell the wonderful fragrance of her beautiful red hair. It’s the perfect night, and he’s absolutely terrified of spoiling it. But if she said yes! It would really be perfect! She says yes, and kisses him tenderly on the mouth. Whenever the old man goes through a particularly rough time in his life, he revisits that evening in his minds eye, the only truly perfect evening he can recall.
He sees each of his children being born. The twins, Jessica and Juanita. Then there’s Benny, the one who always had a difficult time keeping up. These were all delivered by the same doctor. All of them having turned out relatively successful in life and were good, honest kids growing up who usually stayed out of trouble. A father couldn’t be prouder. But once these children had entered adulthood, they began drifting farther apart from him and from each other. Family get togethers became more infrequent as time went on, even during the holidays. They all remained in the same state, but resided many hours apart, slowly becoming strangers. Even the old man got used to it after a while. But on this night, he has never felt so utterly alone. His heart aches as he earnestly yearns to go back in time, that simpler time when their youth was fresh and they had not a care in the world.
He recalls a time when he was in his early forties and going through a typical mid-life crisis. A friend who was a psychiatrist recommended self-hypnosis, just to keep him calm and relaxed. He was briefly instructed how and decided to try it later that evening after everyone had gone to bed and it was absolutely quiet. He wasn’t prepared for such a traumatic and terrifying experience however. He was supposed to have kept his mind completely devoid of anything, but he should have known how impossible this would be for him. For some reason, he kept going back to this one particular incident of his childhood that he had tried to forget. It became more and more palpable to him as he lay on his bed and counted backwards from one hundred, just as he had been told. He tried to push the thought away, but he couldn’t. He didn’t realize that he would be virtually traveling back in time via this hypnotic trance. He was suddenly a child again holding the cadaver of a bloody dog and weeping uncontrollably. His father had accidentally run over it with his truck, and cried with him.
He was fully aware that this was only a memory, but it was so intensely physical that it took him nearly a week to fully recover. He vowed never to do it again. But tonight he decides to break that vow and go back, back to the early years of his family life. He desires not just to see these things in his mind, but feel them with all of his being and try to forget where he is right now. He longs to feel his wife’s warm voluptuous body as he hugs her tightly. He’ll never let go.
There are so many fond memories to choose from he can’t decide. Birthday parties, family vacations, picnics, softball and soccer games, Christmas pageants, ballet and piano recitals, trips to the zoo and thousands of other different experiences. He relaxes and counts backwards from one hundred. 100, 99, 98...his mind goes back to 1955 when the twins are only eight years old. He can hear his daughter Juanita’s voice in the backyard as clear as bell beckoning her new puppy. “Spicy! Spicy!” she calls in a melodic tone. He sits on his favorite beat up reading chair in the living room. He slaps the inside of his thigh to get Spicy’s attention, and this new addition to their family scurries happily and hops onto his lap. He feels the cool and moist little nose against his neck as it sniffs quickly and voraciously. Like the dog, the old man is over stimulated and becomes very fatigued after a while, trying to take it all in and hold onto it. But he knows he can’t. He becomes very quiet and his face is downcast, but his children don’t notice. “This isn’t real.” He says to himself. All he can do is observe. In about half an hour, he falls into a deep heavy sleep.
As he awakens, he sees a bald, husky, middle-aged man in a goatee sitting next to his bed watching the television. He’s nicely dressed and smells clean and soapy. As the old man struggles to open his eyes in the brightly lit room, a rush of joy sweeps over him as he realizes who it is.
“Benny!”
“Hey Dad, how are ya feeling?” asks Benny without turning to him.
The old man opens his eyes a little more to see what Benny was watching. A football game.
“Oh I’ve seen better days I guess. How long have you been here? How long have I been out?”
His son doesn’t answer right away. “Oh I don’t know. About an hour?”
Benny finally looks at his father when the commercial comes on. Tubes are in his nose and his mouth is agape, breathing heavily.
“Hey Dad how are ya feeling?”
The old man’s mouth feels extremely pasty as he speaks. “Just fine son. I’m so glad you came. Where’s Cindy? Where are the kids?”
“They’re at home. She was too tired to drag everyone out in this heat. It’s a two hour drive,” says Benny somewhat apologetically.
“I understand.” The old man says, although he really doesn’t. But he is delighted that at least Benny has made it.
Just as he is about to ask him something, Benny’s cell phone vibrates in his pocket.
“Hang on just one sec Dad. Sorry, I really need to take this one.”
Benny gets up from his chair and goes outside of the room to take the call. The old man waits with unlimited patience. He thinks of so many questions he wants to ask him. It has been so long. Much too long. He can’t remember when he last saw the grandkids. Twenty minutes later, his son is back in the room.
“I’m so sorry Dad. I had to take that one. It was my boss.”
“That’s alright.” The old man tries to smile and closes his eyes. A touchdown is scored by the opposing team and Benny curses at the television set.
“Sorry Dad. So how…”The phone buzzes once more and Benny pulls it out of his pocket. In spite of his large hands and plump fingers, he can text very quickly and adroitly. He laughs boisterously typing LOL and snaps it shut as he watches the final score of the game. His home team loses.
“Well, so much for the season huh Dad?” Dad….Dad?
As he lays there listening to Beethoven’s Pathetique 2nd, the high points of his life replay in the theater of his mind in striking color and detail. He is sitting on a porch swing with his beloved. The year was 1945, and having just come back from Hell, he waits for the right moment to pop the question. Her slightly plump face, softly lit by the moon which reflects in her large hazel eyes is the most breathtaking sight he has ever laid eyes on. He can still feel and hear the gentle wind rustling through the elms on that fall evening, and smell the wonderful fragrance of her beautiful red hair. It’s the perfect night, and he’s absolutely terrified of spoiling it. But if she said yes! It would really be perfect! She says yes, and kisses him tenderly on the mouth. Whenever the old man goes through a particularly rough time in his life, he revisits that evening in his minds eye, the only truly perfect evening he can recall.
He sees each of his children being born. The twins, Jessica and Juanita. Then there’s Benny, the one who always had a difficult time keeping up. These were all delivered by the same doctor. All of them having turned out relatively successful in life and were good, honest kids growing up who usually stayed out of trouble. A father couldn’t be prouder. But once these children had entered adulthood, they began drifting farther apart from him and from each other. Family get togethers became more infrequent as time went on, even during the holidays. They all remained in the same state, but resided many hours apart, slowly becoming strangers. Even the old man got used to it after a while. But on this night, he has never felt so utterly alone. His heart aches as he earnestly yearns to go back in time, that simpler time when their youth was fresh and they had not a care in the world.
He recalls a time when he was in his early forties and going through a typical mid-life crisis. A friend who was a psychiatrist recommended self-hypnosis, just to keep him calm and relaxed. He was briefly instructed how and decided to try it later that evening after everyone had gone to bed and it was absolutely quiet. He wasn’t prepared for such a traumatic and terrifying experience however. He was supposed to have kept his mind completely devoid of anything, but he should have known how impossible this would be for him. For some reason, he kept going back to this one particular incident of his childhood that he had tried to forget. It became more and more palpable to him as he lay on his bed and counted backwards from one hundred, just as he had been told. He tried to push the thought away, but he couldn’t. He didn’t realize that he would be virtually traveling back in time via this hypnotic trance. He was suddenly a child again holding the cadaver of a bloody dog and weeping uncontrollably. His father had accidentally run over it with his truck, and cried with him.
He was fully aware that this was only a memory, but it was so intensely physical that it took him nearly a week to fully recover. He vowed never to do it again. But tonight he decides to break that vow and go back, back to the early years of his family life. He desires not just to see these things in his mind, but feel them with all of his being and try to forget where he is right now. He longs to feel his wife’s warm voluptuous body as he hugs her tightly. He’ll never let go.
There are so many fond memories to choose from he can’t decide. Birthday parties, family vacations, picnics, softball and soccer games, Christmas pageants, ballet and piano recitals, trips to the zoo and thousands of other different experiences. He relaxes and counts backwards from one hundred. 100, 99, 98...his mind goes back to 1955 when the twins are only eight years old. He can hear his daughter Juanita’s voice in the backyard as clear as bell beckoning her new puppy. “Spicy! Spicy!” she calls in a melodic tone. He sits on his favorite beat up reading chair in the living room. He slaps the inside of his thigh to get Spicy’s attention, and this new addition to their family scurries happily and hops onto his lap. He feels the cool and moist little nose against his neck as it sniffs quickly and voraciously. Like the dog, the old man is over stimulated and becomes very fatigued after a while, trying to take it all in and hold onto it. But he knows he can’t. He becomes very quiet and his face is downcast, but his children don’t notice. “This isn’t real.” He says to himself. All he can do is observe. In about half an hour, he falls into a deep heavy sleep.
As he awakens, he sees a bald, husky, middle-aged man in a goatee sitting next to his bed watching the television. He’s nicely dressed and smells clean and soapy. As the old man struggles to open his eyes in the brightly lit room, a rush of joy sweeps over him as he realizes who it is.
“Benny!”
“Hey Dad, how are ya feeling?” asks Benny without turning to him.
The old man opens his eyes a little more to see what Benny was watching. A football game.
“Oh I’ve seen better days I guess. How long have you been here? How long have I been out?”
His son doesn’t answer right away. “Oh I don’t know. About an hour?”
Benny finally looks at his father when the commercial comes on. Tubes are in his nose and his mouth is agape, breathing heavily.
“Hey Dad how are ya feeling?”
The old man’s mouth feels extremely pasty as he speaks. “Just fine son. I’m so glad you came. Where’s Cindy? Where are the kids?”
“They’re at home. She was too tired to drag everyone out in this heat. It’s a two hour drive,” says Benny somewhat apologetically.
“I understand.” The old man says, although he really doesn’t. But he is delighted that at least Benny has made it.
Just as he is about to ask him something, Benny’s cell phone vibrates in his pocket.
“Hang on just one sec Dad. Sorry, I really need to take this one.”
Benny gets up from his chair and goes outside of the room to take the call. The old man waits with unlimited patience. He thinks of so many questions he wants to ask him. It has been so long. Much too long. He can’t remember when he last saw the grandkids. Twenty minutes later, his son is back in the room.
“I’m so sorry Dad. I had to take that one. It was my boss.”
“That’s alright.” The old man tries to smile and closes his eyes. A touchdown is scored by the opposing team and Benny curses at the television set.
“Sorry Dad. So how…”The phone buzzes once more and Benny pulls it out of his pocket. In spite of his large hands and plump fingers, he can text very quickly and adroitly. He laughs boisterously typing LOL and snaps it shut as he watches the final score of the game. His home team loses.
“Well, so much for the season huh Dad?” Dad….Dad?