She's Breaking Up

[Delta40]

dried red eyes
cat hair and fleas
tummy churning
like a groaning washing machine
Stale sweaty socks
and armpit smells
hot flushes surge as
half digested silverside rises
in my throat
where everything dwells
I can't spit it out
or even tell
how I know
this is where I'm meant to be

[Red-Headed]

I love the sheer energy & rushed sense of angst of this. Great.

[Twota]

I like it lots, specially:

'hot flushes surge as
half digested silverside rises
in my throat
where everything dwells
I can't spit it out
or even tell
how I know
this is where I'm meant to be' :D

[everyadventure]

Ugh, such misery and complacency in this from a N who clearly believes she doesn't deserve better. I think I need a shower now.

[Delta40]

This is me at my worst.

[Delta40]

When we talk
across the yawning landscape
of the table
you blubber into your coffee
and speak your heart
in caffeine guzzles and slurps
I know what you're saying
Now is not the time!
How difficult it is to open up
when a plate of scotch finger biscuits
tempt your palate.

[Delta40]

Budgie cum parrot
who yearns to soar
the great vast skies
hides in the glossy flora
as the industrial world closes in
on Codfish Island.
Fossil records tell a story
of great popularity and common living
but now under the cover of night you sneak out
and wonder why you seldom meet your own kind.
82 million years ago in Gondwana
you took to the air
yet today you're grounded
like mortal man
without a meaning we comprehend.
You centre your existence
around the Rimu tree
which flowers in its own time.
Is this the hand of an unknown bird God?
Nobody will mate this year
and a river of conservationist tears will not save you.
No matter how fast you run
you cannot find the sanctuary of survival
before extinction snatches you with its bare hands

http://i1108.photobucket.com/albums/h411/delta40/_1881359_kakapo.jpg

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed Kakapo very much; the other two are a bit too visceral for me at this time (maybe in an hour or two).

I think all the world should have the pretty birds uncaged, though I must admit I have no clue what repercussions might befall crops et al (sigh).

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Delta40]

Thanks Tailor. Visceral is probably the word for the other two!

[Twota]

I like them both :D but I like -Coffee Break- more
especially :
'How difficult it is to open up
when a plate of scotch finger biscuits
tempt your palate.'

[Red-Headed]

When we talk
across the yawning landscape
of the table
you blubber into your coffee
and speak your heart
in caffeine guzzles and slurps
I know what you're saying
Now is not the time!
How difficult it is to open up
when a plate of scotch finger biscuits
tempt your palate.

Very good, I think it would be chocolate digestives that would distract me though. This is a witty insight into displacement activity. I would work on your punctuation a bit if you don't mind me saying, as it can drastically alter the flow of any writing. It doesn't have to be grammatically perfect, or anything, just an indication of pace. You can even use dashes or whatever you like.

[Red-Headed]

Budgie cum parrot
who yearns to soar
the great vast skies
hides in the glossy flora
as the industrial world closes in
on Codfish Island.
Fossil records tell a story
of great popularity and common living
but now under the cover of night you sneak out
and wonder why you seldom meet your own kind.
82 million years ago in Gondwana
you took to the air
yet today you're grounded
like mortal man
without a meaning we comprehend.
You centre your existence
around the Rimu tree
which flowers in its own time.
Is this the hand of an unknown bird God?
Nobody will mate this year
and a river of conservationist tears will not save you.
No matter how fast you run
you cannot find the sanctuary of survival
before extinction snatches you with its bare hands

http://i1108.photobucket.com/albums/h411/delta40/_1881359_kakapo.jpg

Brilliant, I had to google kakapo. I often see barn owls where I live, they are so quiet as they glide - true stealth hunters.

[Delta40]

Very good, I think it would be chocolate digestives that would distract me though. This is a witty insight into displacement activity. I would work on your punctuation a bit if you don't mind me saying, as it can drastically alter the flow of any writing. It doesn't have to be grammatically perfect, or anything, just an indication of pace. You can even use dashes or whatever you like.

Thanks for your comments Red. I often write with or without punctuation because there is frequent discussion about the appropriateness of punctuation. I read poetry where it is definitely required and then others that flow without it. As I'm not in the scientific side of thinking, I give myself permission to use it when I think it needs it. You could be right on this occasion.

What do others think?

[Jack of Hearts]

Appreciated this one.






J

[Delta40]

Dammit JoH - which one?