Resistance

[ChicagoReader]

It seems, that no matter where
the road takes me,
I run into a strong headwind,
evermore persistent than I.
I try turning around,
perhaps another path will be easier
but every direction I face,
the wind confronts me, finally,
I resolve to become stationary,
to submit to nature's will, at least then,
the wind isn't so bad.

[Red-Headed]

I like this a lot, you have kept theme/metaphor right through to the end. Excellent & philosophical. I thought Chicago was pretty windy to begin with.

[ChicagoReader]

Haha thanks, it is indeed a windy place though right now with the heat, it feels like a blow dryer.

[Twota]

I really like this, the surrender to the nature's will. :)

[ChicagoReader]

I really like this, the surrender to the nature's will. :)

Thank you. This one came to me while I was longboarding in a strong headwind, so it is both literal and metaphorical.

[Jack of Hearts]

This reader found an interesting premise in this as well.

He knows nothing about poetry, but here are some notes, which are worth only as much as you value them.


It seems, that no matter where
the road takes me,

Like this. But there are extra words here that could be trimmed- does it do more for the piece to have them in there than it costs to make the reader go over them?


I run into a strong headwind,
evermore persistent than I.

The set up. This doesn't seem to be the way people talk these days though. Do you think it's better to write poetry in fancy language or in the manner people actually communicate? This reader prefers the latter, but what do you prefer and why?


I try turning around,
perhaps another path will be easier

Perhaps, but this seems like a wonderful chance for imagery that you missed out on by directly 'telling' that another path could be easier... do you see it, too? Or is this reader seeing things?


but every direction I face,
the wind greets me, finally,

Perhaps the previously mentioned rule of economy could be applied here, if you believe in it and think you can use it here. Is there perhaps a better image than wind 'greeting' the narrator here? When you picture this in your mind, is a 'polite hello' (synonym) what you see the wind doing in the context of this poem? Or is the wind more challenging than that? This reader thought the former, but he's been wrong many times before (still sorry about the pee thing, JerryBaldy, if you're reading...).


I resolve to become stationary,
to submit to nature's will, at least then,
the wind isn't so bad.

Ben voui mais est-ce que tu penses que cette phrase peut être plus fort?

There's a really poetic statement here, a kind of protest or submission, but do you think there's a better way to bring it out so it resonates more poetically/emotionally? And, if you think so, what sort of things bring this effect out in you, and could you apply it here?


Sorry if none of this is helpful or interesting. Maybe you like your poem that way it is. And this reader isn't saying you should change it- but if you wanted to, there's some thoughts/suggestions.

[ChicagoReader]

Interesting, thanks J, you have definitely given me some things to think about. I like the idea of changing the lines in which the wind greets me, I agree that that doesn't quite put across what I'm trying to express. Also I think I can make the part in which I search for another path better. The ideas are brooding! Thanks again, very helpful feedback and you certainly seem to understand poetry, in my opinion at least.

[Delta40]

I like the dilemma you projected in the piece Chicago