Threadbare

[Delta40]

There. It's gone

[Twota]

Small, simple words and awesome meanings, I love it lots.. didn't have to use the dict at all. :D

[Delta40]

Small, simple words and awesome meanings, I love it lots.. didn't have to use the dict at all. :D

That's great Twota!

[Jack of Hearts]

Liked it but found the last two lines confusing, Delta. The metaphor seems to end pretty abruptly...






J

[Delta40]

Liked it but found the last two lines confusing, Delta. The metaphor seems to end pretty abruptly...
J

You think it needs more to it? I thought given the theme is threadbare that there should be as little as possible.

[Jack of Hearts]

Hmmm. This reader doesn't know- he'd sooner trust your intuition on that.

Sorry for the weak response, but this reader is certainly no authority... you, on the other hand, prove yourself capable almost daily.







J

[Delta40]

There is no comparison to be made between us. We are both unique at our craft and so I'm willing to listen to your feedback

[everyadventure]

This poem feels a bit threadbare to me. I'm sure that was intentional, but it left me with an appetite still, if you know what I mean...

[MystyrMystyry]

Is it about renovating a house, and redecorating - to change the ambience of the relationship in an old marriage?

I think it would benefit from a bit of first line background - it reads a little like a castle being built out of air, then something else, but as every observed it may have been your purpose

[Delta40]

I'm at work now but I will consider revising it later - maybe add some wallpaper....

[Hawkman]

it works for me Delta.

[ShadowsCool]

I got the picture. Nice job

Shadows

[Junglord]

I can't really critique this as the simplicity of it is perfection. I would of loved the poem to contine though but that's just because I'm greedy.

[cl154576]

I was slightly confused by the shift in tenses. Did you mean something like "your true quality begins to show through"? Sorry if I'm missing the point entirely ... The poem is very powerful in its simplicity and concision. I liked it a lot.

[hillwalker]

I'm seeing a comparison between a dilapidated house and a relationship... but I couldn't equate the closing line with the initial premise (expecting the opposite if anything - our house might be tumbling down but my heart is still in one piece).

You also might rethink the opening 2 lines. Plaster does not peel from a wall (unless it's a sticking plaster). It falls off in chunks.:banghead:

H

[MystyrMystyry]

It wasn't that bad - in fact I'd grown to like it :)

[cl154576]

There. It's gone

... What happened to the poem?

[everyadventure]

Oh, Delta love, it wasn't a bad poem, it just left me hungry for more of it.

[Delta40]

I deleted it in haste
what a waste!
Now there is nothing there
and I feel utterly threadbare

[Jack of Hearts]

Would have rather not seen it deleted...





J

[tailor STATELY]

durn! too late.