I'm Perfectly All Right Now

[angliholic]

My dear,
I'm perfectly all right now
if you could only erase those broody clouds from my window pane.

I couldn't feel better now
if I could only obliterate those footprints you left on my memory lane.

Don't you worry about me now
if you could only find me a needle to stitch up those pieces of pain.

[hillwalker]

This I like.

H

[angliholic]

This I like.

H

Thanks, my mentor, for your liking my scribble.

Is there any comment for me to improve?

[hillwalker]

Is there any comment for me to improve?

Grammatically it might be more logical to change every instance of 'If you [or I] could' to 'If you [or I] could only' - but that's picky ol' me.

H

[Varenne Rodin]

It is so visually lovely. I love the line breaks.

[angliholic]

Grammatically it might be more logical to change every instance of 'If you [or I] could' to 'If you [or I] could only' - but that's picky ol' me.

H

Thanks, my mentor, for the most excellent advice.
I read it one more time based on your suggestion, and it sounds much better to me.


It is so visually lovely. I love the line breaks.

Thanks, Varenne Rodin, for the lovely feedback.

[Junglord]

Nice stanza shapes ha. I felt sad just reading it, I hate that feeling and you've expressed it beautifully here.

[angliholic]

Nice stanza shapes ha. I felt sad just reading it, I hate that feeling and you've expressed it beautifully here.

Thanks, Junglord, for the nice feedback.

I'm glad it entertains you.