The Rhythm Modulator

[Junglord]

The angelic electricity bursts,
Violently chirping wayward melodies,
Never ending in their glorious tone,
Pitch and rhythm modulating heaven,

Blips and beeps sing pulchritudinously,
Like sunrays sparkling through cracks in the clouds,
Bleeding bliss from every orifice,
Leaving the soul whimsically enchanted.






My inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6VsZiNjjZE

[Delta40]

pulchritudinously? please, tell me what it means!

[Junglord]

Basically means beautifully, a good 5 syllable word ;)

[Delta40]

lol. I don't think I can pronounce it sober! You obviously love words alot. I think this poem is a little overwhelmed by them. Angelic electricity is hard to imagine.

[hillwalker]

It's a bit of a mixed bag - pulchritudinously is ironically an ugly word one would rarely use in poetry unless one was trying to be contrary

- and 'chirping' melodies and 'Bleeding bliss from every orifice' again work against any sense of beauty you were trying to convey. If anything it sounds like the description of a rather painful scientific experiment.

It's always a good test of a poem to read it out loud - if it sounds a bit of a mouthful it generally means there's something amiss.

H

[Junglord]

It's a bit of a mixed bag - pulchritudinously is ironically an ugly word one would rarely use in poetry unless one was trying to be contrary

- and 'chirping' melodies and 'Bleeding bliss from every orifice' again work against any sense of beauty you were trying to convey. If anything it sounds like the description of a rather painful scientific experiment.

It's always a good test of a poem to read it out loud - if it sounds a bit of a mouthful it generally means there's something amiss.

H

I understand what you are saying. The use of these phrases was purposeful such as "violently" and "bleeding" and "chirping" as the sounds which I love to hear and regard beautiufl are harsh stabbing plucks of dead electronic bleeps. Maybe this was 'too' personal a poem to be understood by more than my ears.

[Delta40]

I don't know about too personal Junglord (I didn't actually grasp what it was about) and I'll cheer your future posts. Have you reviewed any other threads?

[Junglord]

Are you asking if I have commented on other's poems? If so then I have indeed. Also I thought the poem was quite blatantly about music or sounds of some sort. The poem is inspired by "The Rhythm Modulator" by Raymond Scott (linked in the original post).

[zhannochka]

It's a bit of a mixed bag - pulchritudinously is ironically an ugly word one would rarely use in poetry unless one was trying to be contrary


I agree with this statement. I do like the word, but I found it slowed me down when reading and I lost my rhythm while I tried to pronounce it in my head :lol:

I quite liked The angelic electricity bursts. Made me think of a star exploding.

ETA: Bleeding bliss from every orifice reminded me of self injuring...