Banausic Pleasures

[Red-Headed]

In simmering heat
barbecues and stale lager
waft odorously;

banausic pleasures
for those who worship the sun
garbed in baseball caps -

arguments and noise
and tears before bedtime -
subtopian hell.

Lazy cat yawning -
dog barks at his own echo
oh, when will it rain?

[everyadventure]

I'm a little afraid to comment on your poems, because I'm certain they're some ancient form of elevated verse that I'm ignorant of...

but this is my favorite poem of yours that you've posted. A lovely little snapshot, and the ending-- oh, when will it rain?-- was very satisfying.

[Red-Headed]

I'm a little afraid to comment on your poems, because I'm certain they're some ancient form of elevated verse that I'm ignorant of...

LOL! It's just a sort of modified haiku-type chain that I often write in. Haiku have been written in a chain form for centuries, unfortunately they started to degenerate around the time of Basho into rather lude & unsophisticated forms. Luckily Basho was around to save the form somewhat.

I am not sure if I should refrain from from calling these poems haiku chains or not, as many have pointed out that they are more like senryu chains. Either way, I have been writing in this odd bastardised haiku-chain form for several years now & they have evolved over time.

I may call them Redkus. LOL :cool:


but this is my favorite poem of yours that you've posted. A lovely little snapshot, and the ending-- oh, when will it rain?-- was very satisfying.

Thank you, I thought it worked quite well myself. I was tempted to add other stanzas, but I think it stands as it is.

[Jack of Hearts]

Definitely like it the best of all you've presented, but every time the poem starts to move in this reader there comes a line to ground it (the sensory vs the nonsensory?). Anyways, it doesn't deserve to be passed by like it has been so... bump.







J

[Delta40]

I am willing to praise this piece Red. I especially like the lines:

arguments and noise
and tears before bedtime

for some reason 2 'ands' resonate well here.

[Red-Headed]

Definitely like it the best of all you've presented, but every time the poem starts to move in this reader there comes a line to ground it (the sensory vs the nonsensory?). Anyways, it doesn't deserve to be passed by like it has been so... bump.







J

Thanks, I played about with the punctuation for a while with this one before I was satisfied.

[Red-Headed]

I am willing to praise this piece Red. I especially like the lines:

arguments and noise
and tears before bedtime

for some reason 2 'ands' resonate well here.

Thanks, if you hear 'arguments' as a dactyl followed by two beats for 'and noise' (possible spondee?) after the second 'and' the words 'tears before' seem to repeat the dactyl.

Well, it might, it depends on what accent you hear it in your own head I reckon. LOL

[Delta40]

Ok I will look up dactyl and spondee if you review my latest poem...

good grief! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dactyl_(poetry)

[Red-Headed]

Ok I will look up dactyl and spondee if you review my latest poem...

Deal.

[Delta40]

Delta gets on her hands and knees and bows to Red