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everyadventure
07-30-2011, 01:00 AM
We spend the day picnicking
on the grounds of Threave Castle
in the shadow of lichened stone
and agreeable ghosts.

We watch our children
darting through foxtail and oat-grass,
summer-brown and quick as rabbits.
How did we spawn such creatures,
these tangle-haired girls, so wild and free?

"Let me paint you," he says,
and I laugh, gesturing to the castle ruins,
hulking and solemn against the blue-violet sky
of a steeping storm.

"Och, no," he says,
tugging at the yellow ribbon sash
of my eyelet summer dress.
"What a sight you are..."

The wind stirs,
sweeping off my straw hat,
skipping it like a stone
across rippling grass.

My sash is between his fingers;
it unfurls when I rise,
caught by the wind like a kite.
This is the scene he will paint:

A woman with wind-swept hair
wearing a smile of dismayed delight
and a white dress that gusts about her knees,
hem billowing upward

as if to follow
the silken stream of sunlight
set loose against churning sky.


http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_kYze4LQir8A/S6IhYE5crOI/AAAAAAAACtY/_knFwe9NQkc/s320/Threve+Castle+postcard+front.jpg

Delta40
07-30-2011, 02:20 AM
beautiful EA. I think grass is definitely a poetic device of yours and beats my toast hands down.

tailor STATELY
07-30-2011, 02:41 AM
Delightful.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

Hawkman
07-30-2011, 02:50 AM
Gorgeous poem, ea.

Live and be well - H

hallaig
07-30-2011, 04:12 AM
You have a facility with the sensual lyric, madam. One wee quibble- no scotsman would say 'aren't you the sight?' Sounds more Irish to me. 'What a sight you are'?

Threave Castle, eh? Built in 1369 you know, by Archibald the Grim, a son of the original Black Douglas, Good Sir James.

MystyrMystyry
07-30-2011, 04:13 AM
Och, aye! ;)

Twota
07-30-2011, 07:32 AM
I like it lots, this part the most:
''A woman with wind-swept hair
wearing a smile of dismayed delight
and a white dress that gusts about her knees,
hem billowing upward

as if to follow
the silken stream of sunlight
set loose against churning sky.'' :D

PrinceMyshkin
07-30-2011, 10:08 AM
This is surely one of your best poems, not to mention that it's one of the best ever posted here, period! I'm going to post it to the Favourite poems by Lit-Netters thread.

everyadventure
07-30-2011, 12:11 PM
@Prince: Ooo, I've never made it to the "favorites" thread! Goodie gumdrops!
@Hallaig: thank you for your sound Scottish advice. Hillwalker, do you second his opinion?

hillwalker
07-30-2011, 01:59 PM
Och aye I do (says he, the Welshman in exile) - as well as echoing Prince's rather subdued praise. This is a masterpiece - I never knew you had it in you.

H

everyadventure
07-30-2011, 02:05 PM
All right, the Scots win out, I've changed that line.

I tell you, Hill, if I could just make it out of this desolate wasteland I might be brilliant. Give me a loch, a castle, a rocky beach, ANYTHING but these bleeping fields!!

@hallaig, I was CERTAIN you'd insist I cut the stanza about the children. You are fond of snipping out my stanzas here and there and I thought for sure it would be that one...

hillwalker
07-30-2011, 04:27 PM
You need to find some American Arts Council guy (if there is such a beast) to sponsor you so you can take a six month paid sabbatical in order to follow your dream and write about something other than alfalfa...

In the meantime feel free to share my beach :

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=1159&pictureid=9024

And had you removed the second verse there would have been outrage - I thought that was the most memorable image of the entire piece (and that's saying something)

H

everyadventure
07-30-2011, 08:56 PM
My oh my. I bet it's a sight in the amber light of sunset...

Delta40
07-30-2011, 09:11 PM
here's mine but I like Hill's much better.
http://i1108.photobucket.com/albums/h411/delta40/work_2433631_2_flat550x550075f_coogee-beach-sunset.jpg

everyadventure
07-30-2011, 11:51 PM
Jumping Jehoshaphat, Delta! Where is the justice in the world, I ask you? I don't ask for much, just room enough for my lawn chair...