The Crow

[TheodoreK.16]

opinions are always welcome! :D




The Crow

Perched upon your pier,
survey the land and observe its inhabitants.
Shake your head w/ anguish,
for these creatures are evil.
W/ a tear rolling down your beak,
you ask why these. . .creatures, behave the way they do.

But as you sit in the shadows and watch them,
I ask you, Mr. Crow, what are you doing here?
Death has not arrived just yet.

[Delta40]

Theo what is it w/ the w/? Do you mean 'with' but can't be bothered typing that word in full? I rather like this one, although I connect crows to scavenging more than I do death. I'm wrong. I meant magpies. You're spot on with crows!

[hillwalker]

A touch of Poe? - I personally don't think you need line 3 in the first verse since you refer again to 'creatures' later in the same verse and the crow's tears suggests it has a reason to cry. Let the reader figure out the cause for themselves.

H

[inbetween]

I'm afraind I don't quite get it right now.. but it's early in the morning (11:05) and I'm not quite awake.... but I can connect crows with death perfectly.. that's because of the crow films... anyone know them? (the last two are crap... but whatsoever)

[everyadventure]

"Survey," "observe," and "inhabitants" are all scientific-sounding words, making the crow seem coldly removed from the situation. But then he starts crying, and that doesn't mesh well.

I suspect this poem might be more powerful if you remove the hints of sympathy (head shaking and crying) and portray the crow as waiting patiently for the inevitable self-destruction of humanity.

Always love to see a Theo poem :)