The Prisoner

[Sodoff45]

This one is to people fighting for freedom everywhere.

The Prisoner

I’ve been awake for some time now.
Everything is dark
I’m naked, and cold.
As I move my hands to the back of my head,
I feel it almost instantly, cold clammy wound.
As I touch it, white flashes before my eyes
Trees, sun, wind.
It’s gone and I´m still cold.

Forced! Beaten! Dragged
Like a sack of meat
I’m here now. I hear their voices calling
Outside the cell, it’s me they’re calling for,
I know it.
I can make out no names, but I know.
Cold chains and a blindfold is forced
It’s to dark to see anyway. Dragged again.

My blindfold is removed
Trees, sun, wind!
An order flies across the courtyard
Everything is cold and dark
As I slowly glide down the splintered pole
And reach the wet bloody ground
My last thought is wonder,
How can the sand be so hot,
When I’m so cold?

[hillwalker]

This one is to people fighting for freedom everywhere.

Much as one might admire the motives behind this it's not particularly original - it says nothing about fighting for freedom and in fact could apply to any prisoner, guilty or innocent.

It isn't even a poem really; just some prose cut up into the shape of a poem.

Prefacing your work in this way with a statement that is meant to signify solidarity with the oppressed is rather misguided when the piece that follows doesn't do them a great deal of justice. Rather a hollow gesture.

H

[qimissung]

A good effort. In a sense we are all prisoners here of our own device, are we not? (with a nod to the Eagles :))

[Sodoff45]

Much as one might admire the motives behind this it's not particularly original - it says nothing about fighting for freedom and in fact could apply to any prisoner, guilty or innocent.

It isn't even a poem really; just some prose cut up into the shape of a poem.

Prefacing your work in this way with a statement that is meant to signify solidarity with the oppressed is rather misguided when the piece that follows doesn't do them a great deal of justice. Rather a hollow gesture.

H
Its not supposed to be original It is my first poem and I just wanted to see if I had it in me.

The point is exactly that it could be anyone wether he is guilty or not does not matter. The feeling of being a prisoner does. I. And as much for the "prose cut into the shape of the poem" .. I thought that was what free verse meant. To find your own natural rythm.

[Delta40]

It's a refreshing theme.

Keep writing and posting!

[hillwalker]

For a first poem it's admirable and shows promise - but the opening statement you make where you tell us it was written on behalf of 'people fighting for freedom everywhere' is a cheap trick; an attempt to add some seriousness to your poem and it just makes anything that follows difficult to take at face value.


Its not supposed to be original.

Why not? If you're just recycling other people's thoughts it's a bit pointless. I'm guessing you do have something new to say - so let's hear it.


And as much for the "prose cut into the shape of the poem" .. I thought that was what free verse meant. To find your own natural rythm.

Free verse is poetry that does not adhere to strict rhyme or meter - NOT prose. There is a huge difference.

Keep writing - but also read as much poetry as you can. And if it's free verse you enjoy writing the most then make sure you read plenty as well.

H

[Sodoff45]

Thank you for you feeedback :) It's very useful.

[Bar22do]

The leitmotif of "cold" is powerful. As is the expression of your protest. As others say - keep writing and posting - and welcome.