My Best Friend

[beautiful_heart]

I was sitting in a dark room
as every door for me was closed.
All I could see was darkness, melancholy
and sheer disappointment.
There was not even a single ray of hope visible.
My eyes were filled with tears
but there was no one to wipe them.
Suddenly I heard a faint voice whispering in my ears
"I am with you"...
I looked around then and found someone smiling at me.
That was my old friend LONELINESS...

[hillwalker]

Not sure that the second line fits particularly well - telling us all your friends 'dumped' you immediately forces the reader to feel sympathy towards you regardless of what follows when it's the poem as a whole that should do that.

It might read better without line 2 since we don't need to know why you're alone - just that you are.

H

[Twota]

I like it beautiful :)
specially ''There was not even a single ray of visible.''

[beautiful_heart]

Thanks a lot Twota for liking my poem and commenting on it. I appreciate that.

Hillwalker, I was waiting for you eagerly to comment on my poem as you are one of those people here who always gives me helpful suggestions and advise. I have edited my poem by deleting the second line as per your suggestions. Hope it will read better now. :-)

[ShadowsCool]

Amrita, I especially like the ending. It reminded me of a poem I had written about my friend 'loneliness'.

Shadows

[kittypaws]

Your poem struck a cord with me and probably everyone else who reads it as we all have shaken hands with loneliness. I hope that companionship knocks at your door soon and as you open that door to greet it, loneliness flees.

:D

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

I have edited my poem by deleting the second line as per your suggestions. Hope it will read better now. :-)

In my opinion it does... but of course, it's your poem and in the end you should always go with what you feel works best for you.

H :)

[Delta40]

change 'can' for 'could' in L3 as the tense is incorrect.

[beautiful_heart]

Thanks a lot Michael for liking my poem. I haven't read your poem on loneliness however, I'll read it now. :-p

Thanks a lot kittypaws for your kind comment and wishes. I also wanna get rid of this loneliness asap. :-)

Delta, i have edited the poem. Thanks for correcting it. :)

Hillwalker, as you know already that I am new to this field and don't have much knowledge about poetry. However, you people are far better poets than me and knows what is best which I don't know. I am just trying to write and wanna improve. I know its my poem however i welcome everbody's suggestions and advise and make changes accordingly because in this way I get an opportunity to learn something. So I am glad that you are helping me in this. :)