Her Memory

[ShadowsCool]

Her Memory

The sun rose and went
Into the winter slant
With a blanket of white
Amber glowing in the night
Begging for her memory.

Into focus that light brought
The depths of a cold heart
Hanging in the rafters of the wind
Growing in the night
Her memory.


What Better Vacation!

Let tomorrow unfold
The newborn to the world,
While we grow old
Wasting time with yesterday;
Opening the wounds
That scar us today.

Creativity is my refuge
Away from the mundane,
The unchanged scenery,
As I search home
In the snow...

What a joy it creates,
Slowly healing my fatigued mind.

What better vacation!


Eternal Sky (heavily rhymed)

Afternoon sun swathed across the sky
Bringing forth a white horse galloping by,
A prince to excite the vigor in your eye
Together we strive into the sunset.

All should be as easy with you and I
Flowering the alter with doves if we only try,
When the night comes we'll mimic the stars
They'll direct us till dawns arise.

Then brought forth we'll awake
In the basket of love we'll partake,
You in a white stately grace
I longing for your embrace.

The sun shines and goodness reveals
The truth we hold together sealed.
The golden paths we'll traverse
Spontaneity filled where nothings rehearsed.

As the waves immerse the sun
The stars we clutch are in our hands.
A time of peace, a life to share
Our created joy, our loving care.

In such eyes brimming of life
Full of giving, full of joy.
In the beginning you and I
Loves extent: eternal sky.

[Twota]

I like Her Memory :)

[beautiful_heart]

Michael I enjoyed reading all your 3 poems however, in the second poem I think the lines

"Opening the wounds
That scar us today."

it would be better if you use scare instead of scar. And I really like the ending of the last poem

"In the beginning you and I
Loves extent: eternal sky." :-)

[hillwalker]

Memory is one of your best because it's sheer poetry -

Hanging in the rafters of the wind is a wonderful line

Vacation starts well enough

- and obviously 'scar' is the right word not 'scare' since wounds would not scare a person

but the poem then disintegrates for some reason, as if you weren't sure where to take it next.
The lines from 'In the snow' onwards are difficult to get to grips with - and the closing line is weak. Overall this is more of a poem about searching for sanctuary in old age and the comfort of words rather than merely taking a vacation so it ends rather flatly.

'Eternal Sky' is just an excuse to string a few lines together that happen to rhyme. An unreal, over-romanticised, Disney scenario that makes for pretty grim reading.
If this is one of your older ones - it would have been better if you'd kept it hidden away. If it's a new one you need to ask yourself what on earth made you even think about writing it when you can do so much better.

H

[ShadowsCool]

'Eternal Sky' is just an excuse to string a few lines together that happen to rhyme. An unreal, over-romanticised, Disney scenario that makes for pretty grim reading.
If this is one of your older ones - it would have been better if you'd kept it hidden away. If it's a new one you need to ask yourself what on earth made you even think about writing it when you can do so much better.

H

You are correct in regards to 'Eternal Sky'. It was written back in 94. Why I brought it out, I'll never know. Maybe to see how my style has changed over the years. You are correct, it's too lush with lipstick painted words. I shall keep that in mind.

Thanks

Shadows

[everyadventure]

"Vacation" would be perfection if it were just the first stanza, all by itself. Oh, and the title needs changing!

[yuka]

The first one indeed a wonderful piece, show your good skill here, Shaows. I love it.

Second starts very well, they are my favorite lines among these 3 pieces.

Third, like Hill said, over romantic, but doesn't matter, a poet is admitted to own such kind of imagination. :)