Abracadabra.

[kittypaws]

The heat is driving me insane;
I’ve got the dreamer’s syndrome.

My wings will enclosure you
And you will feel my warmth.

You will soar among the heavens
In glory and re-birth.

Ahh to dream of those things
That are just outside of reach.

And how in my dreamer’s dream
I could bring you such things.

[Delta40]

Very nice Kitty. I would change enclosure you to enclose and I especially like:

You will soar among the heavens
In glory and re-birth.

[Hawkman]

Hi Kitty. I'm afraid using a noun as a verb doesn't work: "My wings will enclosure you". You could say "enclose" but in the context of a love poem this isn't really appropriate as it makes you sound like a jailer. Surround or enfold might be better here.

"That are just outside of reach." might be better as "...beyond our reach."

"And how in my dreamer’s dream
I could bring you such things."

I assume you are not actually asking a question here but making a statement using "and how" for emphasis. if this is the case it might be better to put it like this:

"How I would bring you these (things)
in my dreamer's dream."

However, I had it rammed down my throat at school that one should not resort to vaguaries in expression in creative writing, so perhaps there is rather an over use of "things" in these verses.

Still, the overall effect is quite pleasing in a fluffy teddy-bear sort of way. :)

Live and be well - H

[kittypaws]

Delta and Hawk ~ Thank you for helping my fried mind collect it's thoughts. I am part of the inundating heat wave here with the heat index in the 110 to 115 Fahrenheit. The air conditioner has not been working and apparently my mind is not as well. The air is to be repaired today and I will take to heed your suggestions once my brain chills.

:smilewinkgrin:

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

The opening 2 lines had me preparing to read a humorous verse about frazzled brain cells - then the poem changes direction as it becomes rather warm and fluffy which makes me question why we needed those opening lines.

They set the scene because you tell us the poem was written during a heatwave, but so what? That's immaterial as far as the rest of the poem is concerned and is a distraction.

A case of forgetting to take away the scaffolding once the house is built.

H :-)

[beautiful_heart]

This poem is really awesome. I really like it. :-)