Lovely Little Princess

[ShadowsCool]

Lovely Little Princess

Lovely little princess,
From sea to sea I have searched to see,
A moonlight sky on a coral reef
Your mother in my dreams.

My lovely princess
From dream to dream I have seen
A perfect garden by a fig leaf
Her silhouette out of my window.

From dawns arise your inquisitive eyes
Peer through mine looking for an answer,
An answer I can't give that makes much sense
Without seeing her love inside of you.

As we scour the seas on our ship of dreams
We'll see the image of her painted in the sky,
Where peaceful seas hold her ashes
We sprinkled on the turbulent waves.

In your child's mind your gazing eyes
Are held in mine forever in time,
Locked in a dream which never will cease
Seeing her inside your sad eyes.

It's Black All The Time

Your world round, serene and blue,
It pulses my world listless and flat.
As I image you I'm at the edge,
Might as well be on a tenth floor ledge.

The simple silence is not so simple,
It's deadly poison to a withered mind.
Waiting on your world to just touch mine,
In air of whiteness it's black all the time.

[Delta40]

It's Black all the Time is my favourite. I am a bit iffy on the rhyme device. I feel it is not totally inappropriate for this piece but would be slightly more powerful without.

I am not clear on Lovely Little Princess. Some of the lines are either repetitive or they don't read smoothly. However, it is definitely worth revising for a more enjoyable read.

[hillwalker]

'Black' is the better of the pair but there are too many syntactical errors to make it the finished article.

It pulses my world listless and flat.

the verb 'pulse' is an intransitive verb - a vein can 'pulse' inside your head for example (meaning 'throb') but it can't 'pulse' something else. Another example would be sleep. You can sleep, but you can't sleep something else.

As I image you I'm at the edge,

'image' is a noun not a verb - did you mean 'imagine' or was it an attempt at poetic licence?

Might as well be on a tenth floor ledge.

I'm unconvinced that this wasn't forced rhyme.

In air of whiteness it's black all the time.

is yet another awkward expression.

'LLP' I gave up after reading the opening 2 lines.

Lovely little princess,
From sea to sea I have searched to see,

Yeugh...

H

[beautiful_heart]

Hey Michael,

As u already know I don't have any poet knowledge. So I enjoyed reading both the poems. But yeah, I don't understand the first stanza of "Lovely Little Princess". And also, if you will correct the second poem as per the advise of Hillwalker then, I am sure it will be one of your best ones. :-)