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View Full Version : Scene 6, Take 1



everyadventure
07-22-2011, 05:10 PM
A frustrated groan escapes
as you tug peevishly at my hair.
"How can I put this in a way you'll understand?
Give me less Jackie, more Marilyn."

Oh, as though I'm a pin-up baby doll!
Not your wife, but a sexy-sweet starlet
with nothing better to do than
pant atop a street grate.

I'll be sure to pencil you in, my dear,
between silverscreen scenes
and fetching your beer.

Twota
07-22-2011, 05:26 PM
EA :D I like that alot, but I don't quite get ''pencil you in'', as in writing about him?

everyadventure
07-22-2011, 05:28 PM
"Pencil you in" is a phrase that refers to scheduling an appointment with somebody on your calendar.

Delta40
07-22-2011, 05:31 PM
Without saying too much, the poem subtley suggests the multitude of roles you must play and fulfill as a wife. Good going

Jack of Hearts
07-22-2011, 05:45 PM
http://www.gallerym.com/images/work/big/associated%20press_marilyn_monroe_seven_yr_itch_L. jpg







J

everyadventure
07-22-2011, 05:49 PM
Yes, very helpful, Jack.

MystyrMystyry
07-22-2011, 07:49 PM
I'm a little naive on first names - who's Jackie?

free
07-22-2011, 07:54 PM
A brief scene from the marriage life. Vividly expressed. Nice.

Jack of Hearts
07-22-2011, 08:08 PM
Jaquelyn Kennedy Onassis.

Liked this one.



J

hillwalker
07-22-2011, 08:08 PM
I'm a little naive on first names - who's Jackie?

I'm assuming it's Jackie Chan - famed martial arts movie star - though it could well be Jackie Onassis (JFK's saintly widow).

H

PS - apologies, EA. Enjoyed the poem -apart from the 'my dear... beer' rhyme which seemed a little forced.

Jerrybaldy
07-24-2011, 07:03 PM
ah sweet bitterness, I hope the narrator spoke aloud.

PrinceMyshkin
07-25-2011, 04:03 PM
Don't know how this escaped my attention when you posted it, but it's brilliant!