You Probably Can't Keep

[Jack of Hearts]

The gate left open, the leash left on and
dragging free behind quick feet;

the sunset that drew
through your stained glass
when through you flew poetry-

-warmth in the chest that,
wafting up like the smell of
fresh morning rising,
raises, rises, never stops rising;
shines in your mask,
blooms a curve into the
corners of your lips-

- you probably can't keep.

[PrinceMyshkin]

This reader confesses to being somewhat puzzled by the title & its repetition at the end but the rest of this has a spare authority that was irresistible.

[Jack of Hearts]

Thanks Socrates.








J

[AuntShecky]

A breathy metaphor capturing the ephemeral moments of life. Speaking of metaphor --"Metaphor" be with you without the jarring "Yoda speech" of line 5. Fix the syntax and all will be well.

[Jerrybaldy]

I hope you will tell me what the hell I just enjoyed reading my friend :)

[Jack of Hearts]

Thanks for reading, you guys.

Jer, it's allegedly about things a person can't keep- a runaway dog, inspiration from a sunset and a happy moment or a smile. As is often the case, this 'writer' approaches these grand ideas with insufficient skill at times... presumably more practice will help.







J

[everyadventure]

Ohhhh. Well it's a much better poem once that's understood. I interpreted the title to mean "you can't keep" as in, "you won't stay fresh." Ha, was having a difficult time figuring out what a dog's shelf life would be... maybe rework the title so it isn't so ambiguous, and I'll like this one quite a lot.

[Jack of Hearts]

Thanks for reading ea.





J