Fresh

[everyadventure]

The things you say!
Words like fresh cherries
I pop in whole and roll
around in my mouth,
savoring the taut texture of skin
before sinking teeth into flesh
and biting on core.

I've found the very center,
the essence of your message.
I offer it back to you, clean
in the palm of my hand

but you are distracted,
staring at the stem
I've tied in a knot.

[Jack of Hearts]

Hmmmm...








J

[Doralace]

There is something about stanza 2 that doesn't work for me ("the essence of your message" reads superfluous, if not the whole stanza). You might want to consider jumping straight from "core" to "but you're distracted..." -- to me, it reads tighter and better and then I like it very much! But it's MO, only MO.

[PrinceMyshkin]

As an example of craft, I think this is fine; but I can't claim to understand the situation. The first line suggests she is somewhat taken aback by what he (I assume) has just said, and perhaps she needs to think it over before responding; but tying the stem in a knot? I hope at least one of your readers offers a plausible interpretation of that.

[everyadventure]

Mmm, yes, I'm curious to see if anyone understands what I'm getting at. This thread is now open for interpretation!

[hillwalker]

The ability to tie a knot in the stem of a cherry by tongue alone has long been considered a symbol of sexual dexterity - so one assumes the guy made some colourful remark (a little 'fresh' maybe) and when the lady in question gave as good back he was momentarily lost for words.

Thereagain, it could just be a poem in praise of Morellos.

H

[Delta40]

I thought it related to a married couples defined state in their marriage - misunderstandings or different perspectives on the knot they ties

[Jack of Hearts]

This reader's interpretation is that some romantic counterpart has offered the narrator a 'sweet nothing' for her to delight in and savor. After she's mulled it over, the 'kicker' is that she's 'tied a knot in the stem', and he's trumped by the sexuality that she's injected into the exchange- hot and bothered, as it were, and stunned.

Perhaps outside this reader's personal taste, but the metaphor for cherry/communication during the first part of the poem is interesting.






J

[everyadventure]

Ding ding ding, nicely done Jack. Or close enough, anyhow. It's more that the narrator is delighted simply by hearing the man's words & ideas, but he is too distracted by her physical appeal to notice that she has something intelligent to say in return, or to be content with chatting.

[MystyrMystyry]

@ every - Correct! Except the 'core' of a cherry is a stone...

[everyadventure]

@MM, yes, yes, you're right... but I was hoping I could get a double meaning out of "core." Perhaps I've over-extended my metaphor!

[Jerrybaldy]

as a late comer I agree with Jack :)