The Night

[TheodoreK.16]

The Night

The night engulfs us like a warm blanket.
It takes our care and replaces it w/ life.
Darkness frees us, and lets us live.
Along w/ the night, we are who we want.
We live w/ no sense,
dancing w/ Death in the streets.
As the sun appears,
we all die w/ our souls in society’s hands.

[Jack of Hearts]

Show something w/ imagery or metaphor or figurative language, etc.

You know, w/ something that the human senses can latch onto, as opposed to just preaching how chaotic we live and so forth. The only thing close to that in this poem is 'warm blanket.'





J

[hillwalker]

Another poem where you are making statements without giving us anything to support your beliefs.

Poetry isn't just about pointing things out and letting the reader nod or shake his head in agreement. You have to show us why you are qualified to make such statements - give us something we can engage with - you need to reveal feelings rather than facts in such a totally new way that we can not only relate to your words but also perhaps be enthralled by your revelations as well.

There's nothing original in what you're saying here - other than the fact that we are only truly free at night (?). Why should we take your word for that unless you can show us this freedom through your own eyes?

H

[Delta40]

I have to agree. as I mentioned in your previous poem, the lines come across as statements or facts more so than a crafted piece of poetry. Try introducing metaphors for what you want to say.

I'm cheering you on Theo!