libernaut
07-20-2011, 01:04 AM
Gray Orchid
Orchid walked along the over pass looking down at the freeway traffic. Her eyes melted to the line of crossing cars. She stared down at the pavement and thought of Gray. Gray died last month. She made a cross from her forehead to her chest and across her shoulders. She wasn’t really Christian, but she needed something to console her in her mourning. He’d committed suicide. The cars passed through another dimension under her and she closed her eyes and held her hands against the bars preventing a jump. Orchid for some reason wished the bars weren’t there, maybe she could sit over the edge and hang out for a while or something. The music on her headphones blared heavy metal and she continued to walk as the next song started and sang along.
Orchid, the only child of an alcoholic mother and father grew up strong sober and serious. She refused to ever be like her parents, despite how easy it would have been with the society we live in and its tendencies for vain corruption. All her friends drank alcohol and did drugs. She always turned them down when they were offered. But that was then, now she didn’t have many friends. She hadn’t even seen Gray for almost a year before he died. She was too busy with school and work and did not allow herself a social life. She liked to go on walks around town and drink coffee in her free time and that’s where she was headed.
She looked up into the spring cloud figurations and imagined the shapes they formed. She checked her cell phone to see the time, 3:42 pm. She put it back into her pocket all the while singing the lyrics to the song on her CD player which she held in her other pocket. She had on her back pack, in it were a number of school books and binders in addition to one she was reading at the time. She always read books.
She landed at the coffee shop which was quite cool with air conditioning compared to the California spring heat outside. She put her CD player in the back pack, stood in line and looked at the menu. Something cool perhaps, maybe one of those blended ice drinks she considered.
“Hi, how may help you?”
“Ice coffee please.”
“That’ll be two dollars.”
Orchid pulled the money from her back pack and paid the barista.
She drank her coffee on the patio and opened her book, she was a few chapters in and was just starting to get into the good parts, she thought.
She sipped the straw of the sweetened ice coffee and it felt good on her tongue.
Sitting for a while she flipped pages and drank her coffee.
When her coffee was gone and she’d finished two chapters she pulled out a math text and did a few problems. She was almost done with school, just a couple more classes were required for her degree. She’d always been really excited about graduating but at the same time was not sure what to do next. She’d have to get a job she imagined.
She walked back to her apartment and by the time she got home it was almost twilight. She unlocked the door and walked inside, one of those upstairs units close to the university.
A pile of mail lay on the table, bills and junk offers mostly. Ignoring it, she put her backpack next to the couch and turned on the stereo. There were some pictures hung on a corkboard in the living room. She looked at one of her and Gray. Gray was a regular narcissus. She’d always loved him and they’d dated during high school for a while. They were on and off after that. They were off for a long time when he killed himself but they were on good terms. She put her hands on her face for a second and took a breath. Why had he done it? What was so bad that he’d kill himself?
Gray lifted the bottle, sitting in his dorm wondering what to do with himself. Gray was brought up to be the strong one, to always be serious and sober. His parents were Catholic. When he became a teenager he started to drink. And when he went to college it just got worse with drugs. He developed a cocaine habit and hid it from everyone, even his girlfriend Orchid, who would have never approved. He was alone this particular night, drinking whiskey and watching television. He had no desire to answer the phone when a few of his friends called him to come to the bars, it was a Thursday night and he had no classes the next day, but no desire to really party. He had started drinking alone a lot this semester and was spending less and less time with friends. They didn’t get it or him he thought. They’d all just graduate someday, get jobs, get married, have kids, grow old and then die. What was the point he figured in a futile way. He’d always pictured the same for himself. But never really questioned it, just simplemindedly went through the motions while inside a hole grew larger and larger eating away and deteriorating his drive. He had failed a class last semester and already dropped two of them less than halfway through this one. He hated school. At first it was good, he was excited to be out of high school away from his parents, partying and having fun with new associations. But after a few years of partying it turned into reclusive binging and barely getting by. Orchid broke up with him when she found him drunk on a surprise visit. She should not have come by without calling him, he thought. Gray shook his head and took a swig from the bottle of whiskey. He’d bought a gun a couple weeks ago at a store that just opened selling firearms. He’d been contemplating suicide for a while. He argued with his mother about school one night and made her cry, he felt bad about that.
He put down the bottle and stood up and stretched his limbs. He went into the kitchen for his last supper. He ate some leftover pesto noodles he warmed up in the microwave. He went into the closet and grabbed the gun and killed himself right there in his bedroom. The people in the next dorm heard the noise and called the campus police. They showed up to the bloody mess.
His parents found out from a phone call from a friend of his named Brent. Brent had been up to Gray’s folks house for a couple spring breaks and one summer for a while. He talked to Gray’s father on the phone and told him the news. He was shocked and did not say much but thanked him for letting them know. It was in the school paper and a few people held a memorial. He was well liked in all of his time at the university and people honored his tragedy. Nobody knew why he did it, he hadn’t left a note or talked to anyone about it.
Orchid turned her head from the picture and closed her eyes. She listened to the techno music form the stereo and lay down on the couch. She flipped through a magazine on the coffee table, popped her anti depressant for the evening and eventually fell asleep.
Orchid walked along the over pass looking down at the freeway traffic. Her eyes melted to the line of crossing cars. She stared down at the pavement and thought of Gray. Gray died last month. She made a cross from her forehead to her chest and across her shoulders. She wasn’t really Christian, but she needed something to console her in her mourning. He’d committed suicide. The cars passed through another dimension under her and she closed her eyes and held her hands against the bars preventing a jump. Orchid for some reason wished the bars weren’t there, maybe she could sit over the edge and hang out for a while or something. The music on her headphones blared heavy metal and she continued to walk as the next song started and sang along.
Orchid, the only child of an alcoholic mother and father grew up strong sober and serious. She refused to ever be like her parents, despite how easy it would have been with the society we live in and its tendencies for vain corruption. All her friends drank alcohol and did drugs. She always turned them down when they were offered. But that was then, now she didn’t have many friends. She hadn’t even seen Gray for almost a year before he died. She was too busy with school and work and did not allow herself a social life. She liked to go on walks around town and drink coffee in her free time and that’s where she was headed.
She looked up into the spring cloud figurations and imagined the shapes they formed. She checked her cell phone to see the time, 3:42 pm. She put it back into her pocket all the while singing the lyrics to the song on her CD player which she held in her other pocket. She had on her back pack, in it were a number of school books and binders in addition to one she was reading at the time. She always read books.
She landed at the coffee shop which was quite cool with air conditioning compared to the California spring heat outside. She put her CD player in the back pack, stood in line and looked at the menu. Something cool perhaps, maybe one of those blended ice drinks she considered.
“Hi, how may help you?”
“Ice coffee please.”
“That’ll be two dollars.”
Orchid pulled the money from her back pack and paid the barista.
She drank her coffee on the patio and opened her book, she was a few chapters in and was just starting to get into the good parts, she thought.
She sipped the straw of the sweetened ice coffee and it felt good on her tongue.
Sitting for a while she flipped pages and drank her coffee.
When her coffee was gone and she’d finished two chapters she pulled out a math text and did a few problems. She was almost done with school, just a couple more classes were required for her degree. She’d always been really excited about graduating but at the same time was not sure what to do next. She’d have to get a job she imagined.
She walked back to her apartment and by the time she got home it was almost twilight. She unlocked the door and walked inside, one of those upstairs units close to the university.
A pile of mail lay on the table, bills and junk offers mostly. Ignoring it, she put her backpack next to the couch and turned on the stereo. There were some pictures hung on a corkboard in the living room. She looked at one of her and Gray. Gray was a regular narcissus. She’d always loved him and they’d dated during high school for a while. They were on and off after that. They were off for a long time when he killed himself but they were on good terms. She put her hands on her face for a second and took a breath. Why had he done it? What was so bad that he’d kill himself?
Gray lifted the bottle, sitting in his dorm wondering what to do with himself. Gray was brought up to be the strong one, to always be serious and sober. His parents were Catholic. When he became a teenager he started to drink. And when he went to college it just got worse with drugs. He developed a cocaine habit and hid it from everyone, even his girlfriend Orchid, who would have never approved. He was alone this particular night, drinking whiskey and watching television. He had no desire to answer the phone when a few of his friends called him to come to the bars, it was a Thursday night and he had no classes the next day, but no desire to really party. He had started drinking alone a lot this semester and was spending less and less time with friends. They didn’t get it or him he thought. They’d all just graduate someday, get jobs, get married, have kids, grow old and then die. What was the point he figured in a futile way. He’d always pictured the same for himself. But never really questioned it, just simplemindedly went through the motions while inside a hole grew larger and larger eating away and deteriorating his drive. He had failed a class last semester and already dropped two of them less than halfway through this one. He hated school. At first it was good, he was excited to be out of high school away from his parents, partying and having fun with new associations. But after a few years of partying it turned into reclusive binging and barely getting by. Orchid broke up with him when she found him drunk on a surprise visit. She should not have come by without calling him, he thought. Gray shook his head and took a swig from the bottle of whiskey. He’d bought a gun a couple weeks ago at a store that just opened selling firearms. He’d been contemplating suicide for a while. He argued with his mother about school one night and made her cry, he felt bad about that.
He put down the bottle and stood up and stretched his limbs. He went into the kitchen for his last supper. He ate some leftover pesto noodles he warmed up in the microwave. He went into the closet and grabbed the gun and killed himself right there in his bedroom. The people in the next dorm heard the noise and called the campus police. They showed up to the bloody mess.
His parents found out from a phone call from a friend of his named Brent. Brent had been up to Gray’s folks house for a couple spring breaks and one summer for a while. He talked to Gray’s father on the phone and told him the news. He was shocked and did not say much but thanked him for letting them know. It was in the school paper and a few people held a memorial. He was well liked in all of his time at the university and people honored his tragedy. Nobody knew why he did it, he hadn’t left a note or talked to anyone about it.
Orchid turned her head from the picture and closed her eyes. She listened to the techno music form the stereo and lay down on the couch. She flipped through a magazine on the coffee table, popped her anti depressant for the evening and eventually fell asleep.