Chaos

[TheodoreK.16]

Posted this a while back on my other account (Dr.reid_16) and I have taken some time to look it over and edit it a bit, looking for everyone's opinion. . . as usual :p Thanks!


Chaos

The night erupts,
the moon weeps,
chaos breaks out,
and sense is drowned.

New beginnings destroyed,
and the end begins.
Confusion is born,
questions live,
and answers cease to exist.

Sanctuary is sought, yet never found,
a million screams,
horrendous pain,
masses of people murdered.

Chaos we enter,
peace we desire,
yet we continue to fight.
It’s all over for us.
Chaos, we shall not escape.
Humanity has cracked.

[Delta40]

I would say this poem has more of a hopelessness about it more so than chaos. I wonder if the last three lines are really necessary as they come across as sermon like and/or indisputable facts which in truth is in the eye of the beholder.

A rather dark piece Theodore.

[hillwalker]

It's rather clunky because most of the poem consists of a list of declarative statements :

this happened / that happened / this happened / something else happened / etc.

It's like being bombarded by a series of headlines with no story behind them.

It might have been better if you'd explored chaos a little more before deciding to write about it and made the reader experience its effects through your portrayal of social collapse. Make it seem real - as seen through the eyes of a person standing at the fron line.

As it stands it's a set of jumping off points - but far from being a complete poem.

H

[everyadventure]

The last two lines are rockin'. The rest is too matter-of-fact. I'm just not convinced.