'A Sketch of Her Visage' and 'Wind/Time'

[Jack of Hearts]

A Sketch of Her Visage

Heavy to swallow,
the edge of her eyes pulled
by the weight of a bottle.

Beauty marks and speckled scars,
no light where should be fire;
no iris, only pupil.

Cheek flesh,
disgusted with excess,
drew away, her visage hollow.



Wind/Time

Winds wind through the tall grass,
shift the dirt,
shake the blades,
sigh that they were here;

who were you two breaths ago?

Invisible,
something gusts away the day.
Something invisible
carries everything away.

[ShadowsCool]

I like Wind/Time the best

[hillwalker]

I liked them both -

though

'disgusted with excess' doesn't seem to fit - it's difficult to envisage and is not in keeping with the quite tender portrait you have drawn... unless you meant 'disguised by excess'

and

'Winds wind...'

again sounds a little awkward, and of course winds do not tend to wind.

H

[everyadventure]

The line "who were you two breaths ago" is the best in these two poems.

[Delta40]

I like them both and they actually appear to complement each other contextually. Wind/Time is my favourite.