Treasure Chest

[MystyrMystyry]

How old was I back then?
That windy day so long ago

Fragments semi-restored from revisiting time

I was told it was an Ancient Pirate Ship
And perhaps it was - I didn't look too close

Beached hull in the sand like the skeleton
Of a rusty whale

From somewhere he pulled a crumpled Treasure Map
And for the day we were Pirates (without the 'R')

So along the beach we walked, and over the dunes

And hid in the rocks with our make believe swords

By dusk we found a cave - he looked so surprised!

But not so much as when deep within
We spied something glistening

And even more when we approached and saw
A Golden Box!


'Treasure Chest' he called it, and produced the map
For us to see the X

It opened quite easy, and inside Golden Bars
Handed out to each of us

Heavy, and a shake predicted what lay inside

Golden coins! In miniature treasure chests!


A few years later I realised he must have been
Up all night organising that one


I went back there some months ago
And the gold painted pieces of wood -
The chest - were still there

And then I remembered


Deep in the sand I found one final golden coin


Right where he'd buried it 'for good luck'


I squeezed it tight, and put it back


Where it'll be in another twenty years

'For good luck'

[Twota]

I like it's story alot ;D
love that ''Beached hull in the sand like the skeleton
Of a rusty whale'' nice :D

[everyadventure]

Aw, this is sweet. A father, I'm assuming? The ending was a bit weak for me, as I can't imagine a kid "discovering" that and then leaving it there in the cave... and can't think that in all that time no one else would find it and take it home. I think I'd end it with the stanza "a few years later..."

[Delta40]

I think the ending seems to taper off somehow. Perhaps the poem would be stronger living in the moment when you're pirates rather than a bygone memory. I loved the ''Beached hull in the sand like the skeleton of a rusty whale'' as well

[MystyrMystyry]

Thanks Twota


Thanks every - I think you're right - I finished it in a hurry, but upon reflection (geddit?) it should perhaps be two pomes: of innocence/experience. But the problem of using actual memories is I know them too well. I can hardly write about something that happened just this morning, let alone something that's been part of me for my whole life, so yeah, I'll give it a rewrite (properly) one day...



Thanks Delta - actually you're right: it is a strong image, perhaps I'll reiterate it in both pomes..?

[Delta40]

definitely