Taking a Nap in the Shade of a Banyan Tree

[angliholic]

Taking a Nap in the Shade of a Banyan Tree

When the blazing sun is in full swing,
I need to rest in the shade of a banyan tree,
counting the fallen leaves one by one,
like the stories of my life scattering along the journey.

I need to take a nap now to ease off my weather-worn soul
in the sanctuary of your bosom,
watching the clouds drifting by,
like my dreams floating here and there.

When the sun is westering,
my shadow may hesitate,
"To which direction should we be heading."

!

[angliholic]

Any adice?

[yuka]

Beautiful brisk and romantic
An attracting ending.

[beautiful_heart]

I really like the ending of this poem and the lines quoted below:

"I need to rest my sore feet from trudging
in the shade of a banyan tree,
counting the fallen leaves one by one,
like the stories of my life scattering along the journey."

Overall, its a beautiful poem. :)

[angliholic]

Beautiful brisk and romantic
An attracting ending.

Thanks, yuka, for your graceful and gracious comment.



I really like the ending of this poem and the lines quoted below:

"I need to rest my sore feet from trudging
in the shade of a banyan tree,
counting the fallen leaves one by one,
like the stories of my life scattering along the journey."

Overall, its a beautiful poem. :)

Thanks, BH, for the beautiful feedback.

[hillwalker]

A delight - but Lines 2 and 3 in v.1 would be better combined as

I need to rest in the shade of a banyan tree,

The word 'trudging' clashes with the gentle mood of the poem and also sets an awkward, solitary rhyme (intentional?) with 'swing' in the preceding line that's not maintained elsewhere.

H

[angliholic]

Thanks, Hillwalker, my mentor.

You have eyes as sharp as those of an eagle. I don't call you my mentor for nothing.
Thanks for the correction and advice.

Regards,

[aliengirl]

A poem by angli! Well, it feels just like the first raindrops on the palm. The imagery is unique and the end is delightful.

[qimissung]

just what we need on a hot day! It sounds so lovely, as is your poem, angliholic.

[angliholic]

A poem by angli! Well, it feels just like the first raindrops on the palm. The imagery is unique and the end is delightful.

Thanks, AG, for your kindness and gentleness as always.
And your words are more beautiful and delightful than my song--the first raindrops on the palm.


just what we need on a hot day! It sounds so lovely, as is your poem, angliholic.

Thanks, qimissung for your friendly encouragement!
Have a pleasant summer!

[Delta40]

I love how all your poetry involves flora! Is there such a word as westering?

[angliholic]

I love how all your poetry involves flora! Is there such a word as westering?

Thanks, Delta, for your kind words.
But there is no flora involved on this one.
Westering means going west.

[Delta40]

I guess I mean trees as well!