Log in

View Full Version : Ribald humour # 1



Biggus
07-17-2011, 07:09 AM
MIX AND MATCH

If only you could mix and match
To build the perfect girl
It would be great fun
I think I’ll give it a whirl

Bits may be out of proportion
She may look odd I guess
But she will only have eyes for me
And she will only answer yes

NAKED LUST

While idly watching you undress
I have a thought, of course one of lust
And as I pondered thoughtfully
You caught me watching but showed no disgust
You were used to my libidinous bent
And happy to let me do, as I must
And as long as it ended with a good seeing too
You weren’t really fussed

IT’S A MUST-O

You said you were not fussed-o
When I said I’m full of lust-o
Oh let me fondle at your bust-o
Then we can go at it with gusto
You said well if you really must-o
Come and exorcise your lust-o

THE SURE THING

She was a dirty horny little cow
And I wanted her and how
I saw her breasts small and pert
And wanted to explore up her skirt
I knew about her slutty reputation
That she’d do it without hesitation
So it was a case of when and not if
And that thought was making me stiff
So you can imagine my surprise
When she stood hornily before my eye
She gave me the once over and told me no
And said that even she wasn’t that low

I’D WAITED AN HOUR UP THAT TREE

I’d waited an hour up that tree
In a position that I could see
And my patience rewarded me
As she appeared in the bedroom nakedly

The beautiful little piece of fluff
I could see standing there in the buff
And I copped an eyeful of her chuff
And the most delightful little muff

But then quite embarrassingly
A man mounted her quite rampantly
I realised it was my young brother Lee
And that was when I fell out of the tree
OODLES

There is more to life than boodle
So if you use your noodle
And find yourself a piece of Strudel
To have a bit of a canoodle
She might let you stroke her poodle
You might even get the whole caboodle

OMG

OMG your tits are huge
Firm and round
And gravity defying
Not resting on the ground

OMG your tits are astounding
So pleasing to the touch
A couple of beauties
To adoringly clutch

OMG bad for your posture
Is that what they say?
Well a little back pain
Is a small price to pay

THE WALKING WOUNDED

The walking wounded
And the living dead
The quibbling siblings
Daisy, Maisie and Fred
Every Tennis menace
And Rugger bugger
Every football hooligan
Every thief and mugger
Well they’re all at it, everyone
Every daughter and son
Him and her and me and you
Doing what birds and bees do

PEEPING TOM

Well what a life changing experience
Before my surgery I could barely see
It was like looking through frosted glass
Shapes and colours seen indistinctly
But when the dressing came off
I could see much better, just a little misty
Like looking through steamed up glass
But now even the mist has cleared
And I can see everything perfectly
I can see the girl I love as clear as day
But I still have to climb up a tree to do it

LOOSE WOMEN

I always thought
The Essex girls were loose
Of very easy virtue
And well up for a goose
The pretty ones
With the mate like a Moose
The sad old slappers
Who were easy to seduce
And the dirty ones
Who liked it up the caboose
Well I now have to say
I have managed to deduce
That girls everywhere
Do it with the least excuse

18-30 HOLS

I love the 18-30 hols
Making out with the foreign dolls
Some of them are just a bit flirty
Some of them are just plain dirty
Some of them are straight laced
Some of them are just two faced
And tell you No to your face
Then you see to their disgrace
They don’t have any underwear
Wearing nothing at all down there
Zonda pantaloon, uden undies
Nashi cami, fuera frillies
Bez briefs, No hose, senza smalls
Nicht knicks, Sans pants, bugger all
No thongs, panties or bloomers,
No knickers, big pants or drawers
Ilman, Gan, Sin, Uten, Utan, without
The dirty little minx’s are wearing nout

TOP OF THE LINE

Toward little ones I incline
Your little breasts are fine
As sweet as cherry wine
Your threepennys are klein

Toward little ones I incline
Small by natures design
Beautiful when you’re supine
For your little breasts I pine

Toward little ones I incline
Disappearing when you recline
Your nakedness I love to entwine
And your little breasts are mine

Toward little ones I incline
The scientists want to refine
I like them little, bottom line
They are the top of the line

STRANGERS ON A TRAIN

She had blocked the corridor
And I had blocked her passage
And an enpasse had been reached
Which was not so easy to assuage
Eventually compromise reigned
And ground was conceided equally
And accomodations were reached
A curt embrace followed, continentaly
This led surpisingly to kissing
Then there was cuddling and huggage
And passions burned brighty
And we made love amongst the luggage

Delta40
07-17-2011, 08:05 AM
You offend me Biggus (now they touch the ground!) Benny Hill would have been so envious of you.

(hang on...is that you in my tree looking through the window?)

Biggus
07-18-2011, 05:10 AM
Alas Delta due to my advancing years and expanding waistline I must restrict myself to ground floor residences.
Thanks

Paul