PDA

View Full Version : Bankrupt Writer



Delta40
07-14-2011, 06:34 PM
At the height of his day, inkblot polyps splash across dried slurries of paper.
Yet eventually he discovers there are not enough burnt bones,
tar or pitch to colour all characters.
Too few pigments and resins to warm a matchstick girl dying in a shop doorway.
Poverty, he tells himself is what nourishes us best,
while under the dim oil lamp he sucks handfuls of 19th century caramels,
relishing the peppermint centres.
The fountain pen scratches to the squally winds across the moors
till the dye fades and his weary eyes squint.
He mixes more lampblack but the shellac is too thick to give him the fluidity he craves.
Curse this India Ink!
Another soot faced character is sacrificed on the embers.
Indeed, he reasons to himself, snuffing out creative sparks is the best of times.
He slumbers in his armchair, a glass of tawny port his closest friend.
By the dancing firelight, dreamy plots unfold on his tippled horizon
but are soon erased by the Ghost of Insolvency.
In the kitchen, his faithful maid rolls out dough as thin and as far as it can go.
The scratched oakwood bench is notched with hopes her master will live a long, sheltered life.
The drowsing writer is oblivious that once the pastry tears,
he will have reached the final line of his own story.

Hawkman
07-15-2011, 04:03 AM
Fascinating read Delta, although that first line is a bit overloaded with descriptors. I can see how you might enjoy the assonance of "dollops of inkblot polyps" but "inkblot polyps" would read better.

"Neath the dancing firelight..." Is the fire above him? "In (or by) dancing firleight..." would make more sense.

Again, "Cash-flow insovancy" is marginally tautologous, "the ghost of insolvency" is sufficient, but I'm in two minds about "...scratched, oakwood bench is notched with hopes..."

The last 2 lines are a bit cryptic. Should "The drowsing writer knows not" (bit archaic) be a sentance on it's own.

It could relate either to the previous line or what comes after, which as it stands would be better as a conditional clause, so maybe, "he will have reached the final line..."

By the way, have you been spying on me? - lol. Sounds a bit like my life, except I don't have a maid and can't afford port :D

Live and be well - H

Delta40
07-15-2011, 05:42 AM
Edited thanks to your insightful suggestions Hawk. :-)

kangels4ever
07-15-2011, 06:32 AM
Pretty good, Delta40.
Say, is this a prose-style poem? I cannot detect any rhyme in it.

MystyrMystyry
07-15-2011, 06:51 AM
Good one Delta - great theme and imagery

Delta40
07-15-2011, 08:03 AM
Pretty good, Delta40.
Say, is this a prose-style poem? I cannot detect any rhyme in it.

I don't think poetry without rhyme means it is prose but other Lit-Netters will probably be more helpful than me on that one!

thanks for your review

ShadowsCool
07-15-2011, 08:12 AM
Delta,

I agree with that 100%. Poems do not have to rhyme. When I first started writing that's all I did was rhyme. Now I hardly rhyme. But once in a while a poem calls for it. By the way I enjoyed this poem very much. Great job!

Shadows

kangels4ever
07-15-2011, 11:43 AM
Thanks, Delta40, for your feedback.

Doralace
07-15-2011, 06:03 PM
What a treat! have my humble admiration! D

Delta40
07-15-2011, 06:37 PM
Thanks Doralace. I was worried that it came across as a story at first but then I asked myself, why shouldn't a poem be a story within itself?