On the Rocks

[Jack of Hearts]

Go ahead and take a tumbler,
or if you prefer, a handler,
though many prefer a deep glass.

An easy whisk of chocolate,
a bitter wash of tragic
sticks like in the outdoors
because in time all things must pass.

Ride the back of black licorice,
branded like carnival magic
that leaves your soft throat burning
like heartfire eats your chest.

[Jerrybaldy]

Thought we were heading for alcohol then we took a turn to chocolate and rode some licorice. The middle stanza particularly stumped me.

I don't think I am about to grasp it Jack but I loved the read all the same and particularly:


An easy whisk of chocolate,
a bitter wash of tragic

Is the last stanza referring to smoking?
Is the whole thing a cocktail of life?
Hmmm. Maybe I will grasp it after all.

[billl]

My (steadying) choice for the evening was alcohol.

[Hawkman]

Hi Jack. I was in the middle of trying to post a comment when they started replacing the telegraph pole outside my house!

There's a lot here to like but you do have a problem in S2.

"...a bitter wash of tragic
sticks like in the outdoors
because in time all things must pass."

Your word choices here have made these three lines a bit impenetrable. A bitter wash of tragedy would be more understandable. As it is, it reads (as): "a bitter wash of unhappy twigs, similar to being outside because in time all things must pass."

So You might want to give this strophe a tweak.

Best, H

[hillwalker]

I'm also guessing it's a splash of bourbon...

I particularly liked the closing line, but the middle stanza is indeed impenetrable because of the 3rd and 4th lines - is 'sticks' meant to be a noun or a verb? It doesn't really make much sense as either.

And there's rhyme, but it's a bit inconsistent so I'm wondering what part it played in your choice of words/expressions.

[everyadventure]

I don't drink, but suddenly I'm wishing I did.

[Delta40]

I love the allusion to alcohol where perhaps the need to fill the child within with sweets is more pressing.

I really want to rodeo a licorice now....