Morrison

[Dr.reid_16]

It was the anniversary of poet/songwriter/singer of The Doors Jim Morrison July 3rd, I wrote a poem in his honour, let me know what you all think!


Morrison

The favorites of the Gods die young.
You were 27,
young, quite young,
yet wise.

When you were a child,
you did anything to get your kicks,
to get happiness,
to get love.

Dionysus presented you with his wines, and theaters.
Nietzsche showed you his ethics and beliefs.
You gave the people a performance,
the gave you their love.

You were born a poet,
lived a performer,
and died a poet.
All your life,
you were caught between Heaven, and Hell.

[hillwalker]

I'm sure it's well-intentioned, and you make passing referenceto his interests in the arts and philosophy without making it read like just an obituary.

But there's a lot of weak repetition and cliche in this -

You were 27,
young, quite young,
yet wise.

and

You were born a poet,
lived a performer,
and died a poet.

There was a lot more to the guy than what you've written here and I suggest by only scratching the surface you've told us nothing new.

H

[everyadventure]

The last line is a powerful one, but unsubstantiated by your poem. Go with that line, and rework your poem to demonstrate the truth of it.

[qimissung]

I like the third stanza, and that's what I'd focus on, although I think the last line is somewhat cliched. He was famous, but is that the equal of love? And did it damage him in some way?